My vagina is like the lost city of Atlantis. Wet, but unlikely discoverable

I really like that one Ray Charles song where he's all blind and shit

Got all my cavities filled...and then I went to the dentist.

Smells like childhood obesity in here.

Cum has a lot of proteins in it. Sucking and swallowing it can actually brighten your teeth. FUCK YOU, STOP LOOKING AT MY MOUTH!!

"iron woman" is not a superhero name, it's a command.

Just purchased a Schwinn beach cruiser. Schwinning.

Yay for chloroform and heavy petting!

I see the way you look at other cankles. How...how is that supposed to make me feel, huh?

I hate people who can't differentiate between "your" and "you're." Fuck you. Go die. Wait, you probably can't understand me. Fk u. G0 d!3.

You can't hum while holding your nose closed.

"Scissor me timbers!"-Lesbian pirate

Alas, school is beginning tomorrow, so I have a few words of wisdom to share with you young folks: FUCK, I can't fit it in 140 chatacters!!!

I want Ricky Martin to be inside all of my orifices. Him and Winnie the Pooh

Sis: Did u know that "1984" was NOT written in 1984?? Me: Did you know that you're adopted?

16-yr-old me would jump to the occasion and snoop around; but 19-yr-old me knows what's up. When you snoop, u see things. Ignorance is bliss

She's like Buddha. If you rub her a bit, she might give you good luck. No. Lower..lower..

If I ever have a daughter, I'm going to name her "girl." Also, dress her up like a boy who's dressed like a girl who's dressed like a cat.

Stacy's mom has got it going on. And by "it," I mean she has the "clap." So, yea, stay the fuck away from that shit..

Mental note: light sabers aren't a switchoff for dildos. Lesson learned.