The Wife is away until Sunday night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the couch and bitch at me?

I prefer period sex because I feel like I'm commiting murder while getting laid. My two favorite hobbies.

@ms_defanie Booze Poos, Lmao.. we call it AIDS, After Intense Drinking Shits

People love to post they have a migraine on FB??? What the fuck? BTW, bad Migraine today.

They should change the name from Twitter to Ginger because none of you fuckers have a soul.

#SharkWeek learned that female lemon sharks are like black men, once the babies born they don't give it a second thought.

Tonights special: Roffiecoladas... Tomorrow Morning we are having free Plan B smoothies for any overnight guests

I like to wear pink shirts because it makes me feel like I'm walking around covered in Vag all day

Twitter is full of alcoholics and inappropriate sex... It's like my childhood revisited.

Ladies the correct way to say thanks to a soldier this weekend is by swallowing. #abortionfree Memorial Day

If they ever decide to put a DUI checkpoint at a Taco Bell drive-thru, it's safe to say we're all fucked

@wipmorningshow @kaynoel10 ask her about bidens pool.. Hot!!

Haven't been on here in awhile, damn I follow alot of porn shit!.. Nap time

@hahawhiteppl I have 50. I definitely tweet like a fucking flamer

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything"

Just heard a girl say "he ass raped my vagina" - Walmart is fucking crazy

@mr_richie_d_ ESBs are going down easy.. Hate away

@natsgoonsquad @jwerthsbeard @mr_richie_d_ yup, too* many

@kaynoel10 I don't look like cliff lee, but ill throw something at you.. #badjoke #hadtobesaid

@pornhub Not if you do it right