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Hey kids, remember the feeling you got when you cleaned your room without being asked and no one noticed? That's what adulthood's like.
Very sad, very upset, very glad I did not have to hear about this though Twitter. Probably going to be taking some time off it for a while.
I used to love correcting people's grammar until I realized what I loved more was having friends.
Going for "bad boys" is bullshit. You won't change him. Want someone who ignores you and is alternately loving and rude to you? Get a cat.
"Mom, why won't Dad let us have toys?"
"It's a long story, honey. A toy sto-"
"JEN! Don't do this!"
"We have to tell them sometime, Sid!"
Musicals are so stupid and unrealistic! Anyway, back to superheroes and romantic comedies where the male lead gets the girl by stalking her
If you're ever on a date with some asshole and need to get out of it, tell him "Yoko was too good for John."
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
Kicked out of Macy's for yelling "This is a sham! IT'S A GODDAMN SHAM!" in the bedding department even though technically I was right
There really should be a holiday to mourn the dinosaurs.
What the fuck was wrong with you, 2014
Sir Richard Attenborough was the only Santa Claus I ever believed in. A wonderful man. Still in shock right now. May he rest in peace.
The people who write mean stuff on my public Facebook page under their real names never seem to have any favorite books
Push me aside, but I will come back. Hide me, but I will always emerge.
I AM POWER.
I AM RESILIENCE.
I AM A BRA STRAP.
At what point in dating someone do you tell them what Hogwarts House they'd be in
Twilight is the literary World War I: you thought this was as bad as it could get, but then WWII/Fifty Shades happened.
Guys, don't listen to reality stars or models when it comes to vaccines. Don't even listen to ME, listen to the SCIENCE.
Ruining childhoods, fumbling toward relevance. Retweet Curator. It doesn't rhyme with Sarah. FAQs: http://t.co/1TJLocAjHE http://t.co/akQfC22XEW