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Hey kids, remember the feeling you got when you cleaned your room without being asked and no one noticed? That's what adulthood's like.
I used to love correcting people's grammar until I realized what I loved more was having friends.
Going for "bad boys" is bullshit. You won't change him. Want someone who ignores you and is alternately loving and rude to you? Get a cat.
Very sad, very upset, very glad I did not have to hear about this though Twitter. Probably going to be taking some time off it for a while.
People who don't eat the pizza crust:
1. Why do you do that
2. Can I have it
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
"Mom, why won't Dad let us have toys?"
"It's a long story, honey. A toy sto-"
"JEN! Don't do this!"
"We have to tell them sometime, Sid!"
I worry a lot about the Singularity but Facebook just asked me to tag my own breasts as friends so I think we're good for a few more years
I think the world would be a better place if every dude realized he is nowhere near as funny as he thinks he is
Musicals are so stupid and unrealistic! Anyway, back to superheroes and romantic comedies where the male lead gets the girl by stalking her
Twilight is the literary World War I: you thought this was as bad as it could get, but then WWII/Fifty Shades happened.
If you're ever on a date with some asshole and need to get out of it, tell him "Yoko was too good for John."
Kicked out of Macy's for yelling "This is a sham! IT'S A GODDAMN SHAM!" in the bedding department even though technically I was right
Life as a woman: judged foremost on your appearance, judged as worthless if you don't measure up, judged as vain if you make an effort
There really should be a holiday to mourn the dinosaurs.
What the fuck was wrong with you, 2014
Sir Richard Attenborough was the only Santa Claus I ever believed in. A wonderful man. Still in shock right now. May he rest in peace.
Ruining childhoods, fumbling toward relevance. Retweet Curator. Rhymes with capybara. FAQs: http://t.co/1TJLocAjHE http://t.co/akQfC22XEW
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