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Hey kids, remember the feeling you got when you cleaned your room without being asked and no one noticed? That's what adulthood's like.
Very sad, very upset, very glad I did not have to hear about this though Twitter. Probably going to be taking some time off it for a while.
I used to love correcting people's grammar until I realized what I loved more was having friends.
Going for "bad boys" is bullshit. You won't change him. Want someone who ignores you and is alternately loving and rude to you? Get a cat.
People who don't eat the pizza crust:
1. Why do you do that
2. Can I have it
Musicals are so stupid and unrealistic! Anyway, back to superheroes and romantic comedies where the male lead gets the girl by stalking her
"Mom, why won't Dad let us have toys?"
"It's a long story, honey. A toy sto-"
"JEN! Don't do this!"
"We have to tell them sometime, Sid!"
Twilight is the literary World War I: you thought this was as bad as it could get, but then WWII/Fifty Shades happened.
If you're ever on a date with some asshole and need to get out of it, tell him "Yoko was too good for John."
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
Kicked out of Macy's for yelling "This is a sham! IT'S A GODDAMN SHAM!" in the bedding department even though technically I was right
Life as a woman: judged foremost on your appearance, judged as worthless if you don't measure up, judged as vain if you make an effort
What the fuck was wrong with you, 2014
There really should be a holiday to mourn the dinosaurs.
Sir Richard Attenborough was the only Santa Claus I ever believed in. A wonderful man. Still in shock right now. May he rest in peace.
The people who write mean stuff on my public Facebook page under their real names never seem to have any favorite books
Push me aside, but I will come back. Hide me, but I will always emerge.
I AM POWER.
I AM RESILIENCE.
I AM A BRA STRAP.
Ruining childhoods, fumbling toward relevance. Retweet Curator. Rhymes with capybara. FAQs: http://t.co/1TJLocAjHE http://t.co/akQfC22XEW
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