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  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    If I fall in the forest and my pants fall off and I happen to delicately rub the earth over my fragile nakedness, no one hears that right?

    • 262
    • FAVS
    TeejayRushdarlingshelly72itsaRawDawgfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74evilgooglerepVoiceofgarth
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushdarlingshelly72itsaRawDawgfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74Favstar250AndLive2Love
    siouxdonnem
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    Dear all the young kids on twitter,
    This is how we are when your not around.
    You little fucks.

    • 196
    • FAVS
    VanVeenBSoeightiesgirlDahmerscookpotTeejayRushFunszed__________ikeaIntheRain____darlingshelly72MarkoESQ
    • 59
    • RETWEETS
    VanVeenBDahmerscookpotTeejayRushFunszed__________darlingshelly72AndswhatstonedcoldlazyitsaRawDawg
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    Once, my dad almost told me he's proud of me but he had his mouth full so it came out as "I hate this family i'm leavin". Memories are great

    • 166
    • FAVS
    DahmerscookpotMyClumsyViewsTeejayRushMarkoESQitsaRawDawgARedHuntingHatdrfarkkendfivehole0015__
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushitsaRawDawgfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74PetaColadaTingySevilgooglerep
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    To note: If you are using a word like apothecary, you probably mistook a phone booth for a time machine and landed in the future. Welcome.

    • 173
    • FAVS
    itsaRawDawgfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74evilgooglerepKateWhineHallVoiceofgarthDanKCharnley
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    fivehole0015__bryanmcc74Cairdeas77________JackCojiSan______favstar1000favsIdaClayer________tom_julian45Favstar500Favs
    jefftminston
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    What a bust!! I bought this damn mule almost 6 months ago and so far there's no sign of drugs anywhere.

    • 153
    • FAVS
    TeejayRushmrsRAWthingitsaRawDawgfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74PetaColadaevilgooglerep
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushmrsRAWthingitsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc74PetaColadaVeeGordieevilgooglerep
    tweetdano________
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    So, I shaved out a pencil moustache. Sure I may look like a douchebag, but the power to create a diabolical invention is overwhelming.

    • 159
    • FAVS
    Bad_Disco123VirtualRVTeejayRushmrsRAWthingitsaRawDawgfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushmrsRAWthingitsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc74SaraESpiveyfavstar1000favsGASmithIV
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    As a male, if I fail to annihilate any tissue thats been left behind in the toilet with a heavy blast of pee, I become disillusioned.

    • 136
    • FAVS
    itsaRawDawgfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74shutupheavVoiceofgarthDanKCharnleyiMikosnyc
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    fivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74shutupheavIscof_Shizzle__________favstar1000favsAwhDiddyTweets
    _Shizzle__________
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    Asked my son what he's gonna be when he grows up. He pumped his fist in the air and said, a grownup. That kind of funny writes itself.

    • 134
    • FAVS
    VirtualRVdaise13TeejayRushCpt_Karnagen0tblondeRichBeingRichitsaRawDawgfivehole0015__
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    daise13TeejayRushCpt_KarnagemrsRAWthingitsaRawDawgfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    I'm actually standing here with my phone in my hand cooking bacon with a semi. I have become Twitter.

    • 133
    • FAVS
    itsaRawDawgfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74VoiceofgarthDanKCharnleyiMikosnycreadthisBooke
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    itsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc741wickedsmartass__JackCojiSan______favstar1000favs_Bacon_Tits_Favstar500Favs
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    If someone yawns and you DON'T picture a penis or maybe a sandwich getting stuffed in there then I say it's YOU whose got issues, not me.

    • 120
    • FAVS
    VanVeenBUpperCaseyitsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc74VoiceofgarthDanKCharnleyiMikosnyc
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    Mass_hex_appeal__itsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc74nartxelaRojjayOfwgktasdgafSleepyKitty00
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    I successfully avoided eye contact with the world today.

    • 123
    • FAVS
    mrsRAWthingSPNNlogicitsaRawDawgfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74Voiceofgarthnartxela
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    mrsRAWthingfivehole0015__bryanmcc74nartxelafavstar1000favsEccentricPixiePaloulasWifeBaked_Cupcake
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    My kids are young but they better get it together. I don't have money to leave so to be fair, I'd like to pick a clear favorite before I die

    • 119
    • FAVS
    AnitaHelmetitsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc74VoiceofgarthDanKCharnleyloatherjeffreyr77
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    itsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc74mjsmit2Stella1070favstar1000favsYourUnicorn______marimaricomcast
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    Old neighbour Gus is so kind. He invited me in to rest. The drink made me sleepy but Gus washed my pants while I slept, said they were dirty

    • 102
    • FAVS
    TeejayRushitsaRawDawgozzyunc__fivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74VoiceofgarthDanKCharnley
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushitsaRawDawgfavstar1000favsfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74HellspawnKittiepainted_eel
    DMVM1977__________lemmywinkler______
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    I instinctively look up when I search for wi-fi. Like its going to be in the air, floating, smiling at me. Shaking its disapproving head.

    • 101
    • FAVS
    VegasWalkinDudecatcervenydavrosvandrosOhighIsisfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74Voiceofgarth
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    2thestreetz__catcervenyfavstar1000favsOhighIsisfivehole0015__bryanmcc74jeffreyr77EccentricPixie
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    To be honest, I really don't miss Pluto at all. Sure at times I look up for it, but mostly i'm just not bothered. Sorry if this is too soon.

    • 106
    • FAVS
    daise13TeejayRushmrsRAWthingitsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc74VoiceofgarthDanKCharnley
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    daise13TeejayRushmrsRAWthingitsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc74favstar1000favsiTomFoolery
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    I use a megaphone to wake my kids in the middle of the night because THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE, MOM'S DEAD! I usually stop once they start crying

    • 102
    • FAVS
    itsaRawDawgfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74VoiceofgarthDanKCharnleyjeffreyr77AndLive2Love
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    fivehole0015__ContradictEgo__favstar1000favsJackCojiSan______joeljeffreySarahFemmeford414__________Favstar500Favs
    joeljeffreyAspersioncastford414__________siouxdonnem
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    Sometimes when my wife and I are fighting, I find it helps to gently but firmly cover her mouth with both hands until she falls asleep.

    • 88
    • FAVS
    funnybeachgirlitsaRawDawgDubeScoopsfivehole0015__ContradictEgo__bryanmcc74VoiceofgarthDanKCharnley
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    itsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc74AlfredDNorriscathryn_wardSilleVioMsMamaLmorezac
    VoiceofgarthDMVM1977__________
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    I automatically think "theres a baby in there" when I see a bag laying on the road. Then I get crazy flashbacks of how my parents found me.

    • 97
    • FAVS
    itsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc74gbeckyhudsonjoshingsternJMatthewNespoliGot2noJustineauVoiceofgarth
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    fivehole0015__bryanmcc74gbeckyhudsonIqaHapizitpurvis06joeljeffreyFavstar500FavsIdaClayer________
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    The day I stop laughing at fart noises from squeezing bottles, is the day I die. Probably because of laughing so hard from the squeezing.

    • 90
    • FAVS
    TeejayRushfunnybeachgirlitsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc74VoiceofgarthDanKCharnleyAndLive2Love
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushMass_hex_appeal__itsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc74Favstar500FavsIdaClayer________DMVM1977__________
  • MarcPaloula
      Marc Paloula @MarcPaloula

    I'm just gonna say it, in my opinion, vampires have an unfair advantage when bobbing for apples. Again, this is my opinion and it is a fact.

    • 89
    • FAVS
    itsaRawDawgfivehole0015__bryanmcc74VoiceofgarthDanKCharnleySteveDutzyAndLive2LoveSilleVio
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Amy_reallyfivehole0015__bryanmcc74Favstar500Favssunshinedrearymarimaricomcast
@MarcPaloula

@MarcPaloula

If you do register to be my friend, we will undoubtedly become best friends. So.. when should we hang out? Do you like sleepovers? Hey! Check out my knives!!