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I'm always willing to try new things to hate.
You should see the jokes that I'm like "no this one is too dumb" and never post.
Breakfast for dinner is delicious. I'm having egg whites and all the other ingredients in peanut butter cookies.
Game time!! Let's all give out our Twitter passwords then race to change them before someone hacks our accounts...GO!
We shouldn't speak until I've instgrammed my coffee.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally just be called York.
Beyonce is pregnant. Congratulations on your 100th problem Jay-Z. #fb
I hate the lead singer for Chris Brown.
One of my favorite things about Facebook is the “logout” button.
The Romneys don't really want to move into the White House. It's so much smaller than all their other houses.
Not now, pants. I'm on the Internet.
Did Kim Kardasian get a divorce yet I've been running errands. #fb
This SNL sketch has gone on way too long.
Breaking: "Forever 21" changing it's name to "Pushing 30"
I worry I sound harsh in e-mails, because people can't hear the tone of my voice, or see that I'm smiling... and gently stroking a tiger.
Research shows that if you're scared of spiders, you're more likely to find them in your bedroom... I've decided to be scared of Mila Kunis.
FYI: The guy handing out free urine samples in the restroom at Costco is NOT an employee.
Radio Sarcasmist @WestwoodOne, Voice Actress @Fiverr, 24/7 Internet Stream @MarconiOne, Morning Show @MePlusCake, Food Slut @CheeseAisle