@huntermoore When I was 14 I sent my cum in a vile to a girl on AOL. One stamp wasn't enough and it got sent back and my mom got it...

It bothers me more than it should when people type smileys like this (:

It's so weird how we all came from cum.

I can't even keep a Sharpie for a week without losing it, why the fuck would I want a kid.

The saddest McDonald's employees are the ones that walk to work.

They should make uterusless girls. Like seedless watermelon.

Fuck you, skinny Jonah Hill.

So, the same religion that fucks young altar boys in the ass says homosexuality is a sin? Makes sense. Sign me up!

Fact: You can't get AIDS if you're drunk, stupid.

I'm surrounded by cunts. And by "cunts", I mean the C-Word.

I thought Favstar was broken over the weekend, turns out I just wasn't that funny & you all suck dicks.

It's not rape if you silly string her after.

@omgitslexi I have a Fleshlight of your butthole. Made it out of gummy bears, duct tape, an empty toilet paper roll, and sadness :(

Jim Henson loved fisting.

Don't talk to me in real life about my tweets. It's fucking weird and freaks me out.

"I'm from the hood."- clits

Seriously though, the funniest joke on Twitter is when someone gets offended by a tweet and lets you know. It's hilarious and feels awesome.

Nice drawn on eyebrows, fucking cunt.

If my cat wasn't so cute I'd choke the fucking fuck out of her.

The Hokey Pokey is actually just a song about sticking all your appendages inside a girl's pussy. Good morning!