I love the smell of face-palm in the morning.

I haven't seen eyes like that since I scribbled on my brother's eagle eyes action man.

#theapprentice

I can't hear him over his ginger beard/pink shirt clash.

#theapprentice

So if you take off the petrol costs, chauffeur charges, camera crews and hair and make-up people, you've lost me £80,547.

#theapprentice

@biscuitahoy That's because we're both a bit silly. You make me giggle too xx

- What type of apples have you bought?

- Cox

- I know what YOU are but what apples have you bought?

#theapprentice

I've driven past a farm. I'll be project manager.

#theapprentice

@davechalk And a happy birthday from ET! x pic.twitter.com/Q3MPQeO44W

@biscuitahoy They're definitely going for the Indie Market I reckon.

@benedictfarse Awww would be nice to share a few with you Farsey :-) x

@biscuitahoy I wish x

ALRIGHT!! They're out of the fridge!! Blimey it wasn't a hanging offence!

You lot... pic.twitter.com/TYBwkNIZ2v

Finding May a bit chilly? Hopefully it'll be warmer in Gune and Guly.

Thanks to @twoptwips and @alesbymail I finally have a MAN FRIDGE!! pic.twitter.com/0xQbjr1tYi

There's an FBI woman helping me submerge bread in my soup this morning.

Dunk rye for me Agent Tina.

@biscuitahoy If Arthur Dent is rhyming slang for Heaven Sent then yes. Yes you are! x

@glitterlen Congratulations!!! xxx

@matcro And ra-ra skirts. *hangs head*

Just grumbling to myself about the payments on my mortgage.

May have to apply for a Home Moan Alone.

I've been tracking Dracula for days now.

I've got a follower count app.

#1PUN