Pre-coffee: Go fuck yourself.
Post-coffee: Go fuck yourself, please.

It's funny when your 14-year-old son tells you the 70s were "The golden age of porn."

I have 20 followers now and didn't even have to show my boobies to get them. ; )

I wish I had my dog's superpower of staring at people until they do things for me.

Sometimes I imagine your little avis are hits of acid.

And then I lick them.

I've had my dog for four years now. You'd think, after using the vacuum for the fourth time, he'd be used to it already.

Posting who unfollowed you is like getting mommy to scold Cindy for not inviting you to her tea party. Boo fucking hoo.

So when's there going to be an Urban Dictionary version of Scrabble?

I've come to the conclusion I'll never be able to open a cd in less than five minutes.

After my 15 minute wait in line at the post office, I fully understand what going postal means.

Today I'm thankful for the recipe for a BLT on my mayonnaise jar.

More birds, plus one big, fat turkey crashed and burned out of the sky in Philadelphia.

Oh wait.....it was just the Eagles and Andy Reid.

One of my Facebook friends is suddenly funny. She must've joined Twitter.

1st rule of Twitter. You do not talk about Twitter to your family.
2nd rule of Twitter. You DO NOT talk about Twitter to your family.

North Korea. South Korea. They all look the same from Sarah Palin's front porch.

Phone ringing off the hook. Two showers running. Hubby banging on something. Dog barking at that. Valium take me away.

This new bra must think my breasts are crazy because it feels like a straightjacket.

Gilmour played with Waters in London. If the world does end, I can go happily. #TheWall

Not sure how much longer I can go without shaking this bottle that says "Do Not Shake."

The reason I like Twitter better than Facebook, besides the daily boring crap, is I don't have to worry about offending anyone here.