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"Once upon a time there was a lovely little sausage named Baldrick and it lived happily ever after."
I don't like the McDonalds coffee advert. The fact that a group of girls don't understand what "see you later" means infuriates me.
"For the last time, your mother is alive and well and living in Droitwich!"
I'm genuinely using "Welcome to Night Vale" as a sleeping tool now. The biggest problem with this is that I forget each episode when I wake.
Go upstairs. See two seconds of American Dad. Instantly recognise episode. Enter deep state of depression.
I like to think of the Pope selection process as being a slightly less dramatic version of "12 Angry Men"
I haven't had any pancakes yet, so until I do let's just refer to it as puncake day and start making terrible jokes.
The beers are outside and I'm wearing a paper hat. Praying to Santa that it's not windy or raining.
Yvan eht nioj
Oh god, Twitter's got to the "reconnect with friends pop-up" stage of social networking. Hint: If I wanted to tweet more people, I'd do so.
It's December! Just 21 more days before everyone start posting that R.E.M. song on facebook and twitter. Then back to Christmas songs.
Just listened to Frankie Cocozza's new song and I now want to rip off my own skull, throw it in a bonfire and then jump in after it.
The problem with having a Snappy Tomato Pizza is that after a few slice it basically screams "go on, have a victory nap".
Part optimist, part pessimist. May have once said something vaguely amusing, rumours unconfirmed.