Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Parents: Not everyone finds your out-of-control spawn as cute as you do.
Naked bodies look so much sexier with scars and tattoos.
Romance is one BJ away.
You're old when drinking tap water is "living on the edge."
You make me want to invest in a wood chipper.
I say potato, you say potatah, and that's why you're stupid.
Twitter: where strippers are saints, sinners are Gods, and normal folks are sent crying back to Facebook.
Slam your head in a car door, fall off a skyscraper, chug bleach, swim with gators, and set yourself on fire. That's what love feels like.
Nowadays a romantic gesture is leaving the toilet seat down. 😕
Happily never after. That's me.
If you're single, you aren't legally obligated to put up with, or clean up after, anyone's shit.
Drink until you can't think.
Relationship status: snuggled up to cough drops, coffee and the remote, getting Eskimo kisses from a bird.
I'm just gonna step outside while the smoke clears...
Oscar the Grouch with double Ds: Twice the attitude, and none of the trash.