You guys! I FINALLY got that Jamie from Mythbusters emoticon finished.

Here it is.

/:€

My pet rock, Sean died today. He was only 6.2 million years old.

I'm positive I just put more films in my Netflix queue than I have hours left in my life.

This burrito is so good it's being played by Colin Firth.

Dip your head back in the pool, ears submerged. Hold your loved one above you, obscuring the sun. Boom, you've been Terrence Malick'd.

What? Huh? No sir, I don't even play bass. In fact, I hate basses! Wait, no, don't go in there! Stop! NOOOOOO! http://t.co/XZ7qMSCF

I better see all your asses decorating for Christmas at 12:01 tonight. No exceptions.

Bangs, you've got one year to do something more exciting than just sit on some foreheads or you have to give up the name.

Those ads worked, I finally 'get' milk.

Hilarious!

REAL QUESTION: if you drink 1/5 of a 5 Hour Energy Drink, do you get 1 hour of full energy or 5 hours of 20% energy?

Would love to buy a running shoe that didn't look like a stormtrooper fucked a baleen whale!

Please do NOT shop at Fresh & Easy. They've been putting all of the Stale & Hards in my neighborhood out of business.

Wait, are mock turtlenecks actively mocking turtlenecks or is it sincere like a mockingbird mocks songs? Need to know before I consider one.

I just ate a sadness of cookies.

Diane Keaton is on the Daily Show while I eat ravioli that looks just like her hat from Annie Hall. These are the best times of our lives.

There are three fireplace video directors working today that are even worthy of the medium, and George Ford  http://instagr.am/p/Tq0bHcsqI3/ 

'What if laptops were pillows?' 'Then they'd be called headbottoms.' Just some of the Algonquin-level wit that's going on around this house.

If you change only one letter in pouch, you get couch. These are the best times of our lives!

Mormons are the Canadians of Christians.

Thank you sincerely for all the wonderful birthday wishes. It's hard to believe that I'm the same age as Jack Kennedy when he was this age.