I wonder if Kenny died when the roof collapsed in South Park. #ha

If someone broke into my house, I'd probably call 911 or attack them with a tomahawk rather than pop a tweet for help. Just saying.

#YoTITO pic.twitter.com/ULvavb453E

#StoryBehindMyScar C Section. Twins.

Will y'all calm the hell down. You're all acting like Mitt Romney is the messiah and he's going to make life perfect. Shut the hellll uppppp

People are so scared to have their IG deleted. OMG I hope my 30 followers will always be able to see filtered pictures of my cats

Drive Thru Confessions pt. 1  https://vine.co/v/b0nxH55K7ZF 

If you're babysitting on Halloween you're gonna get murdered. It's been scientifically proven.

S/o to the guy dressed up as batman outside #ConfirmedVirgin

I really wish I knew why so many people hate Obama. What about your life is so terrible? Please tell me. Really.

Direct quote from Mitt Romney: "Hell, our economy was boomin during slavery, toss me a brew and let's get things done."

If Obama would've said "Free Boosie" I'd be naming my first born child Barack Obama Johnson. Girl or Boy.

I feel like an actual Pitbull could make better music than Pitbull.

I saw a Romney commercial earlier that pretty much said "If I'm elected, the rich will stay rich and the poor will stay poor" #FuckRomney

I hate when I'm with a group of people and I tell a joke and no one laughs so I have to murder them and bury them all in my backyard

I think about those kids that were killed in Newtown and question why I was blessed to live this long

#420NO #PotKills #JustSayNo #EvilPlant #DevilsLettuce

If this gets 50,000 retweets I will shit on the cars of the kids that said they'll shit on their principal's cars for 1,000,000 RTs.

RT if you take your pants off within 10 minutes of being home

Odd. Not seeing any "fuck the police" or "the police are assholes" tweets tonight.