One thing about being a parent that rocks is you get to do all the fun things from your childhood one more time without looking weird

I'd rather be raptured than hear a shitty Black-Eyed Peas song at another wedding reception this year.

95 degrees. Windows rolled DOWN. Sunroof OPEN. Air conditioning ON!

Fringe is the best show on television that nobody is watching. #fringe

Bill O'Reilly is the biggest nutbag on TV. How can anyone believe this psychopath?

Applebees=Crapplebees

You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.

I <3 Baseball

I can't wait to see the Black Eyed Peas Super Bowl halftime show.....said no one, ever.

I'm busy making my Balloon Boy costume for Halloween

After fried cheesecurds, Bon Iver is the best thing to come out of Wisconsin

@octoberjones Don’t you think that it’s weird that Peach is the only member of the Royal Family in the mushroom kingdom?

Mike McCarthy fails at play calling

Time to make myself a 64oz Old Fashioned and get ready for the family.

Bud Select 55. If you're "feelin' it" you're fakin' it.

Sweat is fat crying

Go Iowa ..choose love instead of hate, choose peace instead of war, choose liberty instead of slavery. Go Ron Paul! #iacaucus

I like my women like I like my coffee. Full of alcohol.

On my way to Lambeau Field! What bar is the best to hit up before the game? #packers #greenbay #lambeau

If your last name is "Darko", get outta bed! #UARS

If MTV doesn't cancel Jersey Shore, God will. #Irene