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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
Just watched Empire Records (1995). It's a science fiction movie where all teenagers 'work' in a 'record store' and no one owns a phone.
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
NO MORE ADS! NO MORE ADS! NO MORE ADS! NO MORE ADS! NO MORE ADS! NO MORE ADS! NO MORE ADS! NO MORE ADS! NO MORE ADS!
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
Dear #TheGap, this is not what curvy girls look like, you unbelievable assholes http://twitpic.com/36wcre (@ The Gap) http://4sq.com/dhg95x
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
i can write my entire last relationship off as a business expense if i start joking about it, right?
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
@aurorainexile @stephgoeslala @katelynbenton @macpisho @nabeelsayshi @tynicholas @arbinky @ocea @ Beckhouse http://t.co/EaJ9l7ZR
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
"I will straight murder you" is much less intimidating than "I will gay murder you"
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
How is #Pennywise still a band that can advertise on bus benches?
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
Every time Dish Network tells me to 'stop paying for the channels I don't use', I want to tell them I did that with Limewire in 1999.
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
I just saw "Where The Wild Things Are." It should have been called "Asperger's Syndrome Monster Island."
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
I just signed this #WhiteHouse #petition to pardon Edward Snowden, the #NSA whistleblower. I hope you'll do the same. http://wh.gov/liZnR
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
2 billion people have no access to electricity
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
ELIZABETH WARREN ELIZABETH WARREN ELIZABETH WARREN ELIZABETH WARREN ELIZABETH WARREN ELIZABETH WARREN
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
EVERYONE IN #SILVERLAKE, STAY INDOORS! SUSPECT WITH AK-47 IN POLICE CHASE http://t.co/CYKomKsh
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
This is the most embarrassing & racist thing I've ever tweeted, but does anyone have a public domain (royalty free) version of Hava Nagila?
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
"She's like a young Amy Winehouse." Oh, not an OLD Amy Winehouse?
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
@brockwilbur DECONSTRUCTED!
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
Call me old fashioned, but I'm still mad about both #SarahPalin and #Twilight.
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. —Richard Lewis
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
BEST SHOW FLIER EVER? “@elizmcquern: Final 20-sec. @chucomedy promo #video. "Your dog will be fine." http://t.co/WOKyRAZQ”
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Max Goldberg @MaxGoldberg
No police are pepper spraying or destroying the tents of the shoppers occupying these encampments outside of this Best Buy. #ows
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Max Goldberg’s Best Tweets

@MaxGoldberg

I do #standup #comedy tours. #Follow me for funny stuff.

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