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  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    I unfollowed reality the day I joined Twitter.

    • 732
    • FAVS
    moxiebloggerduecedozenCtotheASSDiaperogativeKoalaifyahearmeLightCarnivalcrston8DanKCharnley
    • 352
    • RETWEETS
    kevwayonesnickuousBathtubAnarchycrownedinheelsCharmandBrainsDrFapFapYaraKhalil_____curlymalloy
    lvvzzAllThingsCLEVEJustinFurano
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    I hope you never get a life because I like your tweets.

    • 521
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleybackporchladyawescarLeslieAMLTHEPokerWifeMollySneedfavamp__Keys_ToMe
    • 236
    • RETWEETS
    MollySneedSerialFuckupnethernotecalluptomejover_lointjunkyardiganFrankCurtisBAnjaLindtner
    Ivsy01VodkaDietSodabyronblurb
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    Your tweets are star funny, but they're not retweet funny. I hope you understand.

    • 472
    • FAVS
    tortillareformDanKCharnleyMollySneedSafetyNapfavamp__DariaGTweetLeslieAMLdubnight_
    • 119
    • RETWEETS
    dubnight_Alyssa_Jolie__revenantparisto_be_licious____LakelySmithmahatmatweeterVonBrutal________inconsequentia2
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    I once won an argument with a woman.





    In this dream I had.

    • 357
    • FAVS
    sevenxx7BUKK_WILDEMisterAntsDanKCharnleybackporchladyStephenBCramerMollySneedfavamp__
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    BUKK_WILDEjunkyardiganShannonTMcNallyPeteypops13SusuAbdullah89ruafreako_OOutOfLeftField_GrrrRach
    zenchampion
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    Retweet like you have no followers, but make sure you do.

    • 364
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyLightCarnivalfavamp__TheMongoose69revenantparisdellen01Bredwhjunkyardigan
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    dellen01I_SEE_THRU_YOUPhebeBodelleinconsequentia2MandaDeeniBrowniEd2TomBanks1________LakeOconeeBldr____
    IMBeanz
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    Father, forgive them, for they know not what they star. (Favstar 23:43)

    • 353
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyMollySneedfavamp__Keys_ToMeTheMongoose69revenantparisdellen01Bredwh
    • 66
    • RETWEETS
    favamp__revenantparisI_SEE_THRU_YOUMandaDeenfuqtardedCorporate_Geek___Lurpak_Shakur____ShoutingGoddess
    HushingViolence__AlBundyIV
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    Stupidity kills more people than alcohol and tobacco, combine.

    Say no to stupid!

    • 227
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyMollySneedfavamp__eanishakmoose_chocolateKeys_ToMeAlyssa_Jolie__TheMongoose69
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    moose_chocolateKeys_ToMeBigKeydi_B4TM4N_HermanMunsterjunkyardiganbahraini911Thurayaw
    Tweetdeano________
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    Twitter is a place where women tweet about masturbation, and men masturbate to those tweets.

    • 245
    • FAVS
    favamp__TheMongoose69revenantparisdellen01junkyardiganto_be_licious____RedheadedTramp____jover_loint
    • 83
    • RETWEETS
    revenantparisBredwhjumpdasharkcrazyjet379ALMOSThalfALIVECedsDeadAdam14roggyie
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    Save yourselves from Twitter, it's already too late for me.

    • 238
    • FAVS
    MollySneedfavamp__eReiderrplainjane9errevenantparisdellen01Bredwhjunkyardigan
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    SH1V3RAlyssa_Jolie__piratelaylajumpdasharkMandaDeenthedailymarkerMyTrueStory328MujerDesnuda
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    When you're chasing her, you'd do anything for her. When she's yours, you want her to do everything for you.



    This is why you're single.

    • 211
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerMollySneedfavamp__Mystique1975dellen01selexxieBredwhjunkyardigan
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    Alyssa_Jolie__BredwhsandboxtoyChizzy999Alli_Tranchina__I_SEE_THRU_YOUKrissy_Fabjumpdashark
    23_Lies
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    If dumb people stop making babies, who are we going to send to protect our freedom in the future?

    • 235
    • FAVS
    JustCallMeFrankfavamp__junkyardiganRedheadedTramp____jover_lointsix4certainOutOfLeftField_Adam14
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    jover_lointMagnaMartyjumpdasharkMandaDeenJollyReprobateiBrowniEd2MyRedHairIsRealAlyssa_Jolie__
    aryuserius________
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    My life has alternate endings.

    • 193
    • FAVS
    dubnight_SammahhMollySneedfavamp__aKhalifa101SamKellyLovedellen01Bredwh
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    dubnight_favamp__Alyssa_Jolie__mind_darkpuzzledgoddessSoAngieWritesEllecee411six4certain
    BitchingMe________
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    Sometimes I don't even know why I follow some people, then I look at my tweets and I feel honored that they are actually following me.

    • 198
    • FAVS
    favamp__Alyssa_Jolie__dellen01Bredwhjunkyardigansix4certainryerywtrjrthytr__OutOfLeftField_
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    Chizzy999jumpdasharkMandaDeenits_always_fine__kv8GottaBewiserTwisted_Mettlefuqtarded
    gmossii
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    Fuck Simon, he can say whatever he wants, I'm not doing it.

    • 201
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerfavamp__Keys_ToMedellen01BredwhjunkyardigancurlymalloyPeteypops13
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    Alyssa_Jolie__BredwhjumpdasharkRestarrts________Alinthecounty____I_SEE_THRU_YOUJay1972JayMissItAintMe______
    CliffordMyers
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    Twitter is the worst escort service ever.

    • 196
    • FAVS
    favamp__eReiderrrayson_toastAlyssa_Jolie__dellen01junkyardiganRedheadedTramp____six4certain
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    Alyssa_Jolie__zombieparrotjumpdasharkmeaculpau27colts_fan10TyEroskevnastoI_SEE_THRU_YOU
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    Would it kill you to learn another language? If you're an American, the answer is yes, apparently.

    • 205
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerfavamp__Alyssa_Jolie__dellen01Bredwhjunkyardigancurlymalloysix4certain
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    msfrostyboxskoots777jumpdasharkMandaDeenstumblechuckLitra_In_Denial__goodballsmattmanic
    KingPatrick24
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    Sometimes I'm so bored that I actually read your tweets before I star them.

    • 186
    • FAVS
    favamp__dellen01Bredwhjunkyardiganjover_lointsix4certainryerywtrjrthytr__FaithAliQ
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    Alyssa_Jolie__Chizzy999jumpdasharkrinehartgypsyanothersuperstachrisanna4realMandaDeentpurvis06
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    It's better to have loved and lost, than to remain a virgin and live in your parents basement.

    • 187
    • FAVS
    backporchladyfavamp__dellen01junkyardiganRedheadedTramp____OutOfLeftField_Alinthecounty____Adam14
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    MarkAMacalusojumpdasharkI_SEE_THRU_YOUMandaDeenheneedsnointronelmaskladyjazsjunkWistfulBlue______
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    When you stop caring, you can start having fun here.

    • 180
    • FAVS
    favamp__dellen01Bredwhjunkyardigansix4certain2happyrightryerywtrjrthytr__OutOfLeftField_
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    ryerywtrjrthytr__queengingerlandalial_idrusefasheefaa________jumpdasharkMandaDeenChrisTNotChristrodbmoser
  • MayhemCzar
      Czar M @MayhemCzar

    There's a reason I don't tweet as much as you do, that's because I'm better at pretending I have a life.

    • 168
    • FAVS
    favamp__dellen01Bredwhjunkyardiganjover_lointsix4certainryerywtrjrthytr__OutOfLeftField_
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    Alyssa_Jolie__dellen01DamselFlijumpdasharkGerdstarNikki_xxxoookevnastoMandaDeen
    FriesWhisperer
@MayhemCzar

@MayhemCzar

I am the Czar of mayhem. That's all you need to know right now.