If you have a giant fucking pile of money and a bunch of dumb fucks running against you, DREAMS DO COME TRUE.

"The motherfuckers that contested my residency, you've got some great days ahead of you, I fucking promise you that."

@michellemalkin Just so we're perfectly fucking clear here: You're a crazy fucking shitwad. Enjoy your night.

Motherfucking shit fucking fuck shitters. What the fucking fuck motherfucking happened?!

Hey Boehner--fuck you, you stupid orange fuck.

Motherfucking coffee, I'm going to drink you like there's no goddamn tomorrow.

Don't know if Obama's going to use the draft of the speech I wrote before I left. If he opens with double fucking birds, it's mine.

I'M FUCKING RIDING ON THE BODIES OF THE MEN AND WOMEN OF CHICAGO, AND I FUCKING LOVE EVERY ONE OF YOU.

Coffee! You are motherfucking wonderful! Let me carry you gently in my goddamn belly!

CNN FUCKING CALLS IT, BITCHES.

MOTHERFUCKING STREET LEGAL, BITCHES!

Hey Cutler: My knee hurt before I had to dance Swan Lake once. And you know what? I fucking danced the motherfuck out of it. Fuck you.

This party's going to go all fucking night. Fuck you, tomorrow, you're just gonna have to wait.

Throwing that chair through the window wasn't the best fucking decision in the world just now. Now we're fucked AND it's cold.

Double birds to the motherfucking world. TO THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD.

Oh coffee, you glorious motherfucking bean.

Feingold just showed up with a case of whiskey and a couple of pool noodles. This motherfucking party's going all night.

We're all fucking crying and laughing and barking and quacking and the city has never looked more beautiful, and in four weeks I'll be mayor

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit

And now all I can hear is that music, and suddenly everything just fucking...