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  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    My husband called me immature AND middle aged in the same sentence and now I forgot how to give blow jobs. : /

    • 624
    • FAVS
    tweetcomedianso_amusedAlmostdawn10AbeeGeorgina______80sCreationRudieRustikThatDudeFTammy2Tone__
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    LittleMissMag69MummsThaWord______Lakeoconeebldr____SaysSheTodayTammy2Tone__JSTARR808____stunde_null_0SuburbanComa
    JessiCanadianNotJPoJTQuest
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    Just saw a spider and screamed like a woman! In my defense, I am a woman. And it did have a knife.

    • 642
    • FAVS
    KaylaTheBeanerwineandkidsMummsThaWord______BeagleEars406jewelofcanaATXBOSS__________MasterOfFuryTDeeRock
    • 127
    • RETWEETS
    KaylaTheBeanerokarolATXBOSS__________MichiDS64NicolaJSwinneychazmocKittenWrittenPrince_Madness1
    TomSchally5ick5ShazzaLMLamplified
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    I put mascara on just to look more dramatic when I cry.

    • 471
    • FAVS
    doublehellixDaveJ_Photomanlunax0xMummsThaWord______AbeeGeorgina______BeagleEars406OkieGirl405ATXBOSS__________
    • 76
    • RETWEETS
    ATXBOSS__________The_PoppermostTeejayRushkjlong22MasterOfFurylexi_applebumReve_encore13TDeeRock
    captainashamed
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    It's ok to use the handicap stall if you're on twitter right?

    • 440
    • FAVS
    MummsThaWord______BeagleEars406ATXBOSS__________MasterOfFuryDandyTrumanTHEPokerWifecareylikeswinePrince_Madness1
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    ATXBOSS__________MummsThaWord______DandyTrumanPrince_Madness1so_amusedobi_ian_kenobiAdamUrbane________SmokedFringe______
    CleverLinguist
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    Dear Husbands,
    Sometimes we flip you off when you turn around.
    Love,
    Wives

    • 346
    • FAVS
    cleverthanjewrjulie413413drakechicken______wineandkidsMummsThaWord______di_anonymouslystepho104KristinSpaide
    • 125
    • RETWEETS
    drakechicken______ATXBOSS__________MummsThaWord______KristinSpaideWickedRapunzelOhighIsisbejeweledhartBeagleEars406
    NotJPo
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    To me, a dad being goofy and playing with his kids is one of the sexiest things I've ever seen.

    • 333
    • FAVS
    so_amusedwineandkidsMummsThaWord______BeagleEars406ATXBOSS__________MasterOfFuryLonelyPugilistcareylikeswine
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    ATXBOSS__________BeagleEars406WhiskeyMeBabyPrince_Madness1obi_ian_kenobisteverudykAllOfTheGhoulsSmokedFringe______
    SuSuSuDonym______DaddyNick________AwhDiddyTweetsLakeOconeeBldr____
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    Ok, I guess I overreacted but he just bit right into the Kit Kat bar on an angle! They're four separate pieces weirdo!

    • 360
    • FAVS
    ArtemisLoudVAFergMummsThaWord______BeagleEars406ATXBOSS__________MasterOfFuryperhapssomedaycareylikeswine
    • 60
    • RETWEETS
    leslieupnorthPretzelNYATXBOSS__________crazycaps88MummsThaWord______perhapssomedayPrince_Madness1thetencentpiece
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    If I ever say anything on twitter that's offensive, it's only because I meant it.

    • 331
    • FAVS
    wineandkidsMummsThaWord______BeagleEars406ATXBOSS__________MasterOfFuryTHEPokerWifecareylikeswinePrince_Madness1
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    leslieupnorthPretzelNYPrince_Madness1TheMongoose69cjoymanifestMoronycsalamingiaIsIsConfined
    BradBroaddusbeingtheo________
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    Some of you make me laugh at things I'm utterly ashamed of laughing at. Thank you.

    • 306
    • FAVS
    ATXBOSS__________wineandkidsreflection83______krazykris08TweetSpaceBarMummsThaWord______Lakeoconeebldr____MasterOfFury
    • 68
    • RETWEETS
    crazycaps88reflection83______TweetSpaceBarMummsThaWord______Reefer0_0Prince_Madness15haners__________VonBrutal________
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    My parents always taught me to pursue my dreams. That's why I take so many naps.

    • 253
    • FAVS
    Sailsman777ameo02ItsJoePtweetcomedianATXBOSS__________The_Poppermost00Stardust00DukeOfOyl________
    • 98
    • RETWEETS
    benittto11Favstar250eloneonlyGrceTiumeagan_dianehRaeganBrownerynabigailThe_Poppermost
    byronblurbNotJPo
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    Does anyone know of a good soap or body wash that removes self-loathing?

    • 300
    • FAVS
    tweetcomedianATXBOSS__________MummsThaWord______MasterOfFuryTHEPokerWifecareylikeswinePrince_Madness1BeingDBEAST
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    undeadncide______Prince_Madness1obi_ian_kenobiPlaying_DadLoganSpurlin1monstabrat________thedayofthedotmochanya
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    My husband doesn't want me to go on the girl's trip to Vegas this year so we compromised and I'm going on the girl's trip to Vegas.

    • 236
    • FAVS
    wineandkidsMummsThaWord______MasterOfFuryKasskassLMythicPicnicJamesonN7THEPokerWifeAggieapes________
    • 76
    • RETWEETS
    JamesonN7Prince_Madness1nannystephMango180PaulaFrost6TheMongoose69Mattiehearts2__BeingDBEAST
    CanbeLonely__kevinrowe1
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    I came to twitter for some laughs and all I got was this lousy t-shirt that says "I'm fucked up now"

    • 258
    • FAVS
    MummsThaWord______joeljeffreycareylikeswinePrince_Madness1BeingDBEASTMrNickJCSolelyBVoiceofgarth
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    Lakeoconeebldr____JerseyRamboCold_specksPrince_Madness1Favstar250Playing_DadSmokedFringe______foxintox
    notfaizzy
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    My phone autocorrects dorkasaurus to dorkalicious. What I'm trying to say is, I'm a dork.

    • 265
    • FAVS
    MummsThaWord______LonelyPugilistPrince_Madness1MrNickJCSolelyBVoiceofgarthAdamUrbane________theBlatherskite__
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    Cold_specksPrince_Madness1Favstar250Juan_Incognitoawescarjtron2020________RyanlXDLoganSpurlin1
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    How to tweet 101:
    1. Take your pants off.
    2. Type.

    • 220
    • FAVS
    MummsThaWord______xoxo_KMRomeoDeVoidPrince_Madness1MrNickJCVoiceofgarthBoleyngirlySolelyB
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    Lakeoconeebldr____SwagDiggidyCold_specksPrince_Madness1ekumlienapishungrySolelyBAllenB1369__
    blue292
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    I'm an extremely safe and cautious driver when all my good undies are in the wash.

    • 243
    • FAVS
    RickyScampwineandkidsMummsThaWord______cathyperry24______Prince_Madness1MrNickJCVoiceofgarthSolelyB
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    Prince_Madness1kbgone____________Grind_n_RollLoganSpurlin1monstabrat________honeybadgerMelbourbonmelikeyvodkatweeters
    HeidiOCO__________
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    Just sang Subway's entire $5 Footlong jingle in my head while glaring at the girl who just asked "Um, how much is the Footlong?"

    • 244
    • FAVS
    wineandkidsMummsThaWord______JustUnstableMePrince_Madness1MrNickJCVoiceofgarthAdamUrbane________theBlatherskite__
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    Prince_Madness1just_my_handLoganSpurlin1monstabrat________chris_nauertdiscountzenJstraw94__________msred1973
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    If I had one chance to have sex with anyone, dead or alive, it would definitely be alive.

    • 212
    • FAVS
    MummsThaWord______xoxo_KMPrince_Madness1MrNickJCVoiceofgarthSolelyBSCBamaManLakeoconeebldr____
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    Cold_specksPrince_Madness1theBlatherskite__love_lunarbingbok__________MakeDaddyHappy1Arroiasteverudyk
    StrongAsMeat
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    It's 94 degrees and my son thought it was funny to turn my seat warmer on. That kids is so getting high fived when I get home!

    • 200
    • FAVS
    MummsThaWord______Prince_Madness1MrNickJCSolelyBVoiceofgarthLakeoconeebldr____ArroiaPlaying_Dad
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    Prince_Madness1Matty_Is_Epicmonstabrat________Gaftershavesexxxnyourgirlawesomeseankbourbonmelikeyfavstar1000favs
  • McCPeggy
      P @McCPeggy

    I'm not a good liar so when my mom asked me about the 4 unfolded baskets of laundry, I told her about Twitter. She wants to meet all of you.

    • 191
    • FAVS
    RickyScampwineandkidsMummsThaWord______Prince_Madness1RickAaronMrNickJCSolelyBVoiceofgarth
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    Prince_Madness1steverudykSmokedFringe______bennychdmonstabrat________dixinormus10DaddyNick________favstar1000favs
@McCPeggy

@McCPeggy