@MeSamThorpe's (5amTh0rp3) most faved Tweets...
If you layed all of the non-sequitur jokes on Twitter end to end, it would almost circle your mom once.
It's ironic how I can spend a whole day being a loving, dedicated family man and *still* have my other family across town feel so neglected.
If one says something everyone was also thinking, it's "courageous". But if it's something that no one else was thinking, it's Scientology.
Due to present economic conditions, I'm no longer able to provide Awesomeness free of charge. I regret any inconvenience this may cause.
Pro Tip: The best way to move through any grocery store shopping cart gridlock is to fill your cart with alcohol and be visibly sobbing.
My wife's comment that I get ready slower than a 'glacier of molasses on pause' is something that I should completely stop and think about.
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I think if I were a magician that my To Do list would be a Ta Da list and I'd bow after everything I complete.
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Ladies, isn't it suspicious that you've never seen Edward Cullen from 'Twilight' and me in the same place at the same time? Think about it.
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No coffee for 10 years and then 700 cups this week! I see what I've been missing. Namely being able to taste air and feel the earth rotate.
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If you think about it, isn't identity theft really just imitation without all the flattery? Argued my defense lawyer.
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What I call my potent, overwhelming animal magnetism, my doctor just calls a highly contagious case of swine flu. Tomatoes, Tom-ah-toes.
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Like a trapeze artist with a net, I'm texting&driving while following an ambulance. And, wearing circus tights. Wow, what an analogy!
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