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  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    As a Jew, I made my New Years resolutions months ago. The rest of you slackers need to catch up.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    SlipCarefullyKahntroversialesmenterLSulner18mitchellhart95
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    CommanderXenafrance5773saelahunpluggedChabadGirlandsusansaysJewishWaterlooAnneVanJJamesGoodman3
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    The enemy of my enemy is my friend. As long as she's not prettier and skinnier than I am.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    SlipCarefullyjeffreyr77YesitsAlSlayerSaysyoulaughatmeurvizillaZepsBlackDog42OfficialOliSnow
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    tina_the_llamaLetoileSanloveandhatelahomovexedusMidgetsparcazzawndruhbazlyonspjlynch
    pjlynch
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    The beauty of Israeli women is a gift from God to straight men and lesbians, and a punishment from the devil to other straight women.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    TommyMorrissey1DonaldyasnyigabbymeyerSalinasFloItsGinchyBetchalirose_kgmsilversteinCheeseboy22
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    ____jiggajewLaurenHFinejuubearMollyMarkshtienish_2346michyedelsburgWorldOfBenjaminjfreedman2009
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    I like to keep a healthy balance in my life of yoga and crouching over computer screen for hours refreshing my interactions page.

    • 15
    • FAVS
    jeffreyr77YesitsAlcazzawndruhwhateverjoeMark_Tice42Just_Lee_breenedkittenishcutie
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    MARSHALANDARfavstar_popbreenedbritoven322claire_mudietreyjonesinc
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    Was told most women know w/in 10 minutes if they r going 2 sleep w/ u.So it takes them longer 2 pick an outfit than a penis?

    • 12
    • FAVS
    jeffreyr77vodka_paintsPeppersprayJremidon1Pulse_NYC333angOphoenix1pjlynch
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    FuzlinEsauFunghi2Ophoenix1tweetnthesheetsGracieHannaMichellePerezbriandseitelhaydenblack
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    Whenever a new Ginger follows me, I think, "No! Don't pretend to know me! The rest will find out about our secret meetings!"

    • 15
    • FAVS
    jeffreyr77YesitsAlLockhartLauracazzawndruhrikpayneMikeJonesishfaith_no_pantsnightflier24529
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    LoudLauraElenanightflier24529claire_mudiepjlynchalucardsdream
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    A camper told me that Iron Man doesn't count as a cool superhero. I cut a hole in her chest and said, "So who's gonna help you now?"

    • 13
    • FAVS
    jeffreyr77violet_heartinLicoriceNipplesRealSugarFreelonewulf87NessgoddessOphoenix1poseidonhyden
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    violet_heartinRealSugarFreeOphoenix1pjlynchtweetnthesheets
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    Know that when you respond to my texts with "K," what I'm reading is "Potassium."

    • 11
    • FAVS
    OddestFellowPunderWomanFredPollackdanidangerpants__No_Title_Per_Sejeffreyr77AshTheMarkdanlovley
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    TheDudeSaysThisjeffreyr77SydneyDavisJrJrElizMcQuernseandaniels
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    If you're out jogging and someone obnoxiously asks you, "Hey! What you running from?!" Answer, "Type 2 Diabetes."

    • 7
    • FAVS
    jeffreyr77YesitsAl12stonelighterETBunkersandrodemaioHanaBanana486Lizeeek
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    scrawlzinesabzeroniAmandaPaulickolivekilworthCheriPaigeElkabong34HanaBanana486Lizeeek
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    You're never going to fix a problem by ignoring it.

    Unless the problem is that you're paying too much attention to something.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    HoneyBeeAlainageniuspillsrenebenavidezCheeseboy22laceylynndpjlynch
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    milwaukeelunghlmackayardensirensJPWolksterSpinboy220CjanysekpjlynchJScullyClemmons
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    I have a first date with a cute lady tonight so if all goes well does anyone want to help me move next week?

    • 9
    • FAVS
    makenaaaaaaa1evilidiotcatten_dreamzevanrhorneTransaparenTzacstewOphoenix1JustMug
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    ShakespeareMashTheJonathanBrayOphoenix1JustMug
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    The Jews 4 Jesus in the subway say "Jesus made me Kosher." So I guess we know who we're eating first when the apocalypse hits.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    Ophoenix1AnitaAlibiurvizillaSydalneRoyKeDalointaineKenblazedtheschmeltz
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    AnitaAlibiSydalneKenblazedtheschmeltzCat_MF
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    There are dick jokes and boob jokes. "Black" jokes and "White" jokes. Jokes for Jews and for Catholics. But fart jokes are for everyone.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    jeffreyr77MidgetsparcazzawndruhMegancobanrikpayneMikeJonesishCharlieDontSrfKimona007
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    MalorieBryantpjlynch
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    The best revenge is happiness. And also a really tight ass.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    Dan_Mellerbrowneyegirl9emilytarverbottlethesunTheAndyGrossoLaurenSchacherMattShoNuffSpinboy220
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    bottlethesunrikpayne
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    If in your twitter bio you claim to be both #Libertarian and #ProLife, you might want to review what both of those terms mean.

    • 1
    • FAV
    tbh42
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    ElliotG78waldopersonzacksterruminskiPrenna23kylejoseph89arklebenfromcanada
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    If you're depressed about the new healthcare bill passing, the good news is, you now have access to xanax.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    MidgetsparDrewfuss09BrentweetscazzawndruhLithiumJunkieCharlieDontSrfKimona007pjlynch
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    cazzawndruhwhokilledkermitpjlynchmarktkenny
  • Megan_Sass
     
    Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    @realdonaldtrump So unfunny you can't stop watching, eh Clownstick?

    • 10
    • FAVS
    hume_gBrownDevil3bizness_nonyacaaataclysmMaxVaynerMadelenJohansenBenjamustacheLilCalamityJane
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    thomweaver24
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    Be a redhead or dye tryin'.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    rebelglamStevenCHunt
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    celialoveRedQueen729SassyAuburnencapsulate5tpichettecaitlingreer21RockItLikeaRedNominatissima
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    There is no lesbian equivalent of Grindr, but if it did exist, it would be called "Let's Get a Cat."

    • 6
    • FAVS
    MrGehringWhyArieKatzAuteur69TresCozinebazlyonsAmosPosner
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Auteur69Chrysplattburminator74bazlyons
  • Megan_Sass
      Megan Sass @Megan_Sass

    99% of the time being religious does not make you a better person. It just allows you to pretend you are.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    jeffreyr77AndyKimyItsMegannBbyTheMGhasspokenlightmoonstone
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    jacqlitaheathercamfftimgummerlightmoonstoneGoTeamMegan
@Megan_Sass

@Megan_Sass

Professional Jew. I give good banter.