Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
"I'm sorry, am I boring you?"
"Yes you are, I appreciate your apology."
If you're ugly & have a small penis then we're never gonna fu-
Oh who am I kidding. I have no standards anymore.
I know exactly what'll float your boat.
I will have sex with every one of you that stars me. If you're hot, I'll have sex with you TWICE. If you're a sock monkey, its unlimited.
I went to the gym today. It was my second time GO ME!
The first time I signed up.
This second time I renewed.
Before Twitter I was just a girl w/no life who hadnt gotten laid in a while. Now I'm... that same girl. But I can tweet. So there's that.
its just so wrong that i havent gotten laid in 21 months. im not even married.
Peace be with you.
And with you.
Not you tho.
I'm not a miracle worker fucktard.
Have your people star my tweets. We'll do lunch. Or sex. Whatever.
I have so many witty tweets in my head. But I'm easily distrac Oooo cake
Things I do when sober:
1. Wake up in my own bed
2. Pee IN toilet
3. Drive to liquor store
4. Drive home from liquor store
This whole "acting like I care" thing is real hard work.
Blue is the color my balls would be if I had balls.
OMG OMG THE MOON IS GONE THE MOON IS GONE
Oh wait. It was behind me. False alarm.
Its true.. I hated being called a slut in high school. But I sure do miss being one 10 years later.
Wow. I just lost 3 pounds after that fart. Fellas?
This girl is such a-
"What are you doing?"
"Youre tweeting about me arent you?"
-stupid bimbo w/obviously fake tits
i havent heard from britney fuck vids in a while.
People who live in glass houses should never throw stones, obviously. Oh, and should never skip shaving.
My lack of stars is a painful reminder of my lack of sex.
I am in desperate need of validation here.
My hair is red. I'm unbelievably awesome. If these restraining orders have taught me anything, it's that I'm a terrible stalker. email@example.com