Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
A man just poked my foot with his crutch while I'm shitting in a public bathroom. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a gloryhole blowjob?
Someone just shared a photo on my Facebook feed and now I'm spraying Lysol all over my screen because who knows where that photo has been.
DICK IN THE CLEARANCE BIN
It gets better.
Then it gets worse.
Then it gets better again.
Then it gets awful.
Then you get used to it.
Then it doesn't matter.
I'm not saying she's a lesbian, I'm just saying that even if she was raised on a hog farm it doesn't mean she's into pork...
At this point, the mint has so many versions of it's bills and coins, I feel confident I can pass a few monopoly fives off at this 7-11.
IF YOU THIRST FOLLOW ME AND THEN GET MAD AND UNFOLLOW ME WHEN I DONT FOLLOW BACK I LITERALLY FUCKING HATE YOU AND YOUR A CUNT
Parenting is just one continuous cycle of saying "knock that off" every 30 minutes.
If you choose to pronounce the r in arse, you must pretend you're holding a teacup and stick your pinky out
Wearing a k-bar neck knife only...
Sorry I said I wanted to do a gangbang when you asked if we could be exclusive.
Thank-you twitter, for helping me avoid eye contact with boring people.
He was like "You treat this relationship like some kind of game!"
Which unfortunately cost him 16 points and a bonus chance
How 'bout them Cowboys?
You know when your man hurts you so bad?
That's what 3 gallons of triple chocolate ice cream is doing to me right now...
IT HURTS SO GOOD...
“The timeless, tireless jaws of Nature shall one day devour us all”
My parenting isn't questionable. Kids LOVE beer!
I can’t remember if I only smoke when I’m drinking or if I only drink when I’m smoking.