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I saw a Viagra commercial so now I call my doctor and ask him if my heart is healthy enough for sex. When he says yes, I say, "Now what."
The thrill of your voice
Colour your world with every shade of joy.
Some books need to be read more than once~each time we read anew~we learn something else
But look honey. It's like a helicopter.
[Dad & child sit at a Lake shore]
[Dads holding a rock]
D: This is a dickfer
S: What's that?
D: To pee with
S: Grow up dad
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
Mom said it's not polite to star.
A woman can show an ultrasound of the parasite in her uterus and get fawning attention, I show a still shot from my colonoscopy and nothing.
Relationship tip: Revenge sex doesn't work if you're bad at sex. So, make sure you're good at sex first.
Goon night moon.
I came here tonight to do two things: have fun and wang chung.
Casual sex altogether separate can be a beautiful letdown. Keep your eyes wide shut & you'll find a fatal attraction with a friendly enemy.
I just pray they can contain Ebola to Off-Broadway.
it would have been a lot cooler if he turned water into a heaping portion of macaroni & cheese
Sex with the right person can be as addictive as fuck.
"C'mon step on me betcha can't step on me where you goin ya missed me I'm coming with ya step on- AAAH YOU FUCKING STEPPED ON ME"
The only thing worse than getting Ebola would be getting it at a bowling alley.
My dad thinks tinder is what you're supposed to yell to warn people when a tree is falling down
I can’t remember if I only smoke when I’m drinking or if I only drink when I’m smoking.