Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
All marriage is gay.
*passerby offers Dragon a slice of Papa Johns, Dragon slaps passerby's hand away* DON'T PISS ME OFF WITH YOUR SHITTY PIZZA.
i think i exclude a lot when im talking to people about stuff when im fucked up. i think.
- A Greek person who's joking, probably.
I would love to make your wet dreams come true.
Slow your roll
“Sugar-free” is just a warning label masquerading as a diet aid.
*Dragon runs out into the snow naked, sobbing* OH MY GAHAHAHAAAAAWD. SBARRO PIZZA FILED BANKRUPTCY. This is BULLSHIT.
You may have won at being an ass award, but I won the twitter!
*that's French for, 'you're a big jackass'
American Apparel is the fanciest sweat shop ever.
It's not you, it's your obsession with minions.
Hope for it
but put effort in it.
Don't wait for it,
I forgot where I put the milk… Oh well, it’s bound to turn up someday.
Hey there mister fancy pants, those are some pretty fuckin' fancy pants you got there.
<-----wears a beekeeper's outfit when I get bee-zy
Opportunity knocked at my door, but I didn't answer because I thought it was Jehovah's Witness.
*butters all your doorknobs*
The really cool thing about this whole "Spring forward!" doo-hickey is my kids over-sleep in the morning AND can't sleep at night.
Cleaned my sunglasses today, so I'm ready for bikini season.
I'm not 'stalking' you. I just suggested you should wear the blue tie instead of the red one cuz it brings out your eyes. Your wife agrees.
I can’t remember if I only smoke when I’m drinking or if I only drink when I’m smoking.