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Picked the wrong night to let this cranky old tycoon couple, Midwestern gal, professor & movie star talk us into chartering them to Bimini.
If you hate successful people then I take it you're not...
Your Uber driver doesn't care how many glasses of wine you had.
Me: I was at the gym for 2 hours watching The Food Network on the treadmill!
Wife: You're not even sweaty-were you moving?
"Weekend Twitter" started in July.
I'm not the kind of guy that would distance himself from things....far from it.
"We see her in her natural habitat. Witness the yoga-panted female as she assumes the downward facing dog pose. How glorious."
You're not going to intimidate me into getting that credit card, Sam Jackson.
uh oh I think the walls are moving again
You don't have to get angry as long as your response is devastating.
3.8 billion men in the world. I hope at least one is actually named "Willie Nilly."
[Patrick Henry, cheerleader]: Give me Liberty!
Patrick *shrugging*: Whichever.
Scientists say "exercise in a bottle" may one day be a reality and all I say is it better taste like wine.
Fact: I putt better with a sand wedge than a putter.
Me: okay, I'm sold. But can I be vegan & still think humans are better than animals?
Me: great! *fires up grill, seasons Vegan*
I can’t remember if I only smoke when I’m drinking or if I only drink when I’m smoking.
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