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What it comes down to at the end of the day is the quality of the things you put in your mouth.
The Herbal Essences commercial, only I'm washing my hair with watered down Sponge Bob shampoo and crying.
[cat thinking to himself]: it's "likes" not favs now you fucken idiot
Changes all of your clocks in your house to different times, none of them correct
That awkward moment when you've become "that bitch"
Days like today, times like this, I really miss Tyler Parten. The world could use more men like him, not fewer. He cared about people.
Court a girl, an hour seems like a second. Sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. That's relativity ― Albert Einstein
Can't say I slept so well.
Are those cats fighting or is your wife screwing the neighbor again?
An episode of The Haunting was on & a “demonologist” was speaking. My son said, “That’s just a fancy name for an unemployed crazy dude.”
Turns out it isn't shitty weather. It's a "plume of energy". That I'm gonna have to fucking shovel.
Pinot Noir=Truth Serum
I don't have a problem with anybody coming into our country as long as they're attractive.
Everything is becoming more expensive. Except for people, they are becoming cheaper
And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
Well apparently, I'm an uneducated, racist, stupid, dumb ass individual. Gotta love Twitter.
Most people are not as nice as me. Should I sit here and fucking apologize for that? Is that what you fucking want?
If you can't handle Food Porn you certainly can't handle me.
One, two! One, two! And through & through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead & with its head
He went galumphing back.
I can’t remember if I only smoke when I’m drinking or if I only drink when I’m smoking.
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