Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
It's impossible to poop without my phone
Larting. When u laugh so hard you fart.
You know that super excited feeling you get when you get a star or a retweet. It's almost like quitting a job because you inherited money
I've said It once and I'll say it a million Times It's not Rape if you yell "SURPRISE"
Signing out of Twitter is Like Trying to leave the Bar . It's Always Like. . . . "JUST ONE MORE.... I promise Just one More"
I may not be Mrs. Right, but I will Fu*k you until she shows up.
I may Not be smarter then a Fith Grader but at least I can Buy Booze
Men have two emotions, Hungry and Horny! If he doesn't have a raging #woody , make him a god dam sandwich , ya Hurd !
Can someone please tell me exactly what would Jesus do?
IF I MAKE 300 Followers today I will snort my iPhone
Americans : they only choose from 2 men to be president but 50 for Miss America. Enough said
I really wish life gave us lemons instead of All the other shit we get
Um if your iPhone 4s battery goes From 100% at 7:00am to 39% by 9:56am... We were probably Seperated at birth
Whitney Houston's next movie : The Bodybag
How does fav star work? I really want a trophy to put on my shelf with the rest of the non existing accomplishments I've made in my life.
If a girl stays with one guy even after all the shit hes done it doesn't mean she doesn't see it..it means she actually loves him..
I remember before I had my kids I could bend over and tie my shoes without getting black eyes from my slaughtered orangutan titties
Do I eat sleep breathe and worship Twitter????
You bet your Whitney Housten loved crack Ass I do!
P.s I'm a few followers short of sniffing my iPhone
Wash your Winky, thoroughly
Im the kind of woman that deserves a man I dont deserve. I speak over 74 different languages when I drink a bottle of Vodka and I tend To Get Messy time to time