I always want the NY cheese pizza Louis C.K. is eating in the intro to his show.

Three Doors Up #failedbands

Weird that my new book club wants to meet up at church this Sunday. They told me to bring a Bible and they'll supply the wine.

Steve Jobs' last update: iDead

Coffee ain't my cup of tea.

Eating popcorn is just like putting salt on my wounds.

Breaking News! Just looked up the word "caring" and "sharing" is not listed as a definition! Sharing is NOT, I repeat NOT, caring!

There might not be a "we" but there is definitely an "i" in depression.

Sometimes I don't know how hungry I am until I eat a soy horse.

Drunk at weenie roast

"The breakfast burrito is the most important burrito of the day" -@notharold

Daylight savings gave me an extra hour of being tired.

I have the sneaking suspicion that my friends are trying to make me fat.

Grrrrowlers show! I'm a pirate arr http://t.co/btoJMvnC

Craving platanos fritos with frijoles and crema. Now how am I going to get that? I'll just microwave leftover crack...I mean pizza.

My 22nd birthday is in 2 months. What should I do that day besides cry? Hmm decisions decisions.

Even though I bought the Very Irresistible perfume, I find myself very resistible. Another broken dream.

I want to die standing up to freak people out.

I don't know how to play poker. I only know how to play strip poker :(

Jimmy Eat World is killing it!