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Chav in front of me in Asda has five kids and is buying a baby gate. I should tell her to put it on her vagina.
Never underestimate a woman's ability to find shit out.
Theres a hot girl working the tills in Asda so I'm buying the expensive toilet roll so she can imagine the life of luxury she'd have with me
North Korea threatens us and we laugh, iMessage stops working and my timeline panics, welcome to the future.
Best part in Pretty Woman is when she shows the sales girl she's not a whore by getting the rich guy she's fucking to buy clothes for her.
"Send me a pic" ...quick way of letting a girl know you're not boyfriend material.
To the girl stood behind me in Preston's Post Office, sorry to overhear Gaz dumped you after you let him finger you, we're not all bastards.
Too many people cheating on each other, be single if you can't handle a relationship.
Don't understand how people can be against gay marriage, If two people love each other who gives a fuck.
My hair smells of Cinnamon (SNAPCHAT MezMerrett) .......loving the healthy lifestyle.. #GymAddicted #Vegas2014