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So....I joined Weight Watchers. Middle age metabolism can eat a dick. Which is 2 points, by the way.
4:"How do babies get in your tummy?"
Me:"That's a great question for Dad."
Hubs:"We order them on the internet."
As a mother my heart hurts for the victims & their families. As a cop it hurts for the responders. As a human it just hurts.
How is it that the dogs understand "Go for a walk?" but are completely stymied by "Don't shit on our floor!"
My 5 year old just used air quotes appropriately.
Girl Scouts presentation. Showed them my cuffs. Scout:"My mom has cuffs but they don't work like yours!" Mom:"Halloween! Halloween!"
Blasting Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer on the radio while running hot to a call. Like a badass.
Am I an asshole for turning on the sprinkler while the dogs were sniffing it? Probably. But I'm a laughing asshole.
Fantastic. Fantastic news. No more officers hurt.
Cheapest thing at Disney World? Tampons & pads for 50 cents in the women's restroom. Draw some Mickey Mouse ears on them & call it good.
Which is great when telemarketers call and ask for our dog. "He's here but he's taking a shit in the yard right now."
Hubs was picking up dog poop & found some with a craft googly eye in it. My dogs have given birth to Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo.
Ohhhh, kid at the pool. Braces OR mustache but not both, please.
Mom of 2, wife, Sergeant, 3rd shifter, retired roller girl, resident smartass, comma abuser, exhausted. My puns are always intended.