i am ready to dump febreze in seguin’s dumpster home and ankle lock a bear #jackedup #tmltalk @felixpotvin

@felixpotvin i am going to rip aluminum cans in half and yell curses at brad marchand

@imbtyler Your vote did count. The senate race is crazy important.

@imbtyler We're gonna be okay.

@robdelaney Mitt Romney catching his skin in a sharp corner and it ripping off to reveal 8 strangely anti-poor ferrets in a suit made of hay

I can’t drink to excess because of my easy access to cheap, life-saving medication. #firstworldproblems

@imbtyler will it help you feel better if you imagine me shirtless? I think it will

Between the cigarettes, alcohol, and Waffle House I’ve shaved ten years off my lifespan in one night

@imbtyler I am merely a vessel through which the universe speaks.

.@nba No one made a big deal when Roy Hibbert had 9 blocks last night. Just saying.

@imbtyler You know how I feel about KD. #positivefeelings #bestatbasketball

@imbtyler People in hospitals also tend to think the worst when you try to sleep on the floor of the waiting room. Bunch of lames.

I played @xdannyxbrownx's I Will in my car on a first date because I give no fucks.

@imbtyler #dominateBK, son.

@goodi2sh0es #wtf just got out of the #shower. just got (sex). she lasted a #millisecond. i was super #horny 2! playing farmville #internet

if a lady is strong enough in her religious convictions to have something biblical tattooed on her body, we probably won’t date. ever

@omgchrista you don’t take that tone with my boo @jenxalami

#CommunityNBCTonight

#CommunityNBCWatchItLive

sexually-charged vicodin texts