We fought for you. We teach you. We protect you. We save you. We work hard for you. Happy Labor Day from a union brother. We are you. S. A.

Guns don't kill people, politicians who cut funding for access to Mental Health Services kill people.

In my day kid we didn't have twitter to complain about Tumblr. We drove around cryin till the windows fogged up enough to draw laughing cats

I'll see your Confederate flag and raise you my finger.

@mike_ftw "I just got back from speaking at the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce. I love Mexicans, Ann owns a couple of Puerto Ricans actually."

DNA doesn't make you a Father, sacrifice and character do.

I bet the first lady is all showered and waiting.

My @jenrq did it! Two beautiful baby boys. Benjamin 6.1 20 inches, Daniel 5.1 lbs, 18 inches. #surrogacy #twins #HappyBirthday

I like to leave the snow on the hood of my car, get on the expressway and pretend my ship is breaking up as I'm reentering the atmosphere

Walking down the street to the stranded cars with my shovel so I can knock the dumb dumbs out with it and steal their Shania Twain cds.

There are no words to describe how it feels to get a gift from a family at the women's shelter. pic.twitter.com/yptJ4oZr

Congrats! Navy Seal, with your first Mansion checkin in Abbottabod, Pakistan you just unlocked the Greatest American Assasin badge.

As I carried Tiger to change his diaper, I stopped by a table of Prom goers and yelled, "HEY, MIND YOURSELVES SO THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN TO YOU"

The guys sitting next to me on Amtrak finally stopped talking and fell asleep. Forever. From a stab wound. These pillows muffle AND absorb!

Tebow lost for our sins.

So, we've been contacted by George H W Bush's foundation wanting to recognize @silverbackks work. This.

Three rings to rule them all. #Bindersfullofwomen

I love @jenrq with my whole heart.

EXPECTING DADS! Live tweeting has begun. #surrogacy http://t.co/rbzMMg1i

May the Four Horsemen of Hell come for the next person that says, "May the Fourth..."