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It's a good thing Bruce Wayne was terrified of bats instead of spiders, otherwise he'd have a huge lawsuit on his hands.
Aren't we all just looking for someone to tweet about us affectionately?
Hell is an endless gallery of all your failed self-portraits.
"Man, it's really nice outside." - me getting the mail, then going back inside for the rest of the day.
Games have reached a point where they're completely cinematic; translating them into an actual film seems redundant and doomed to failure.
I hope to someday be as clever as one of those people who use anything remotely newsworthy to create a Twitter parody account.
If you read my Twitter Archive backwards, it's the story of a man who regains his confidence while becoming more obnoxious.
Winter is like that kid in school everyone picks on but you think he's misunderstood and then he's a dick to you and you're like fuck this.
Dating websites should offer girls a complimentary Marilyn Monroe quote with every profile.
Just found a website dedicated to duckface photos and now I've killed three people.
Ending a statement with: "I don't really care anyway" leaves me in awe at how comfortable you are with the irrelevance of your thoughts.
It really bothers me that it's 2012 and "virgin" is still a commonly accepted insult.
I still don't really understand or support the idea of making movies out of games released in the last five to ten years.
I wonder if everyone else is becoming more annoying or if I'm just more of an insufferable asshole. #probablythelatter
I don't go jogging with my friends because having a heart attack and dying in front of them seems like a pretty dick move
I felt Schindler's List really missed the mark by not closing the film with Smash Mouth's "All Star".
Why is it that asking a cab driver if their debit machine works is like asking them to name the 50 states?
My mom just told me she has zero Twitter followers and it made me inexplicably sad.
I taught pessimism everything it knows.