• Ahoy!

    Please Sign In

    Favstar gets even better if you sign in.

    Here's why signing in is good for you.

    • You get a personalized view of Favstar based on the people you follow.
    • Your favs and retweets are collected instantly, meaning your status and stats get updated at blazing speeds.
    • Use lists to manage your friends, and keep on top of where the fav-love is happening.

    Your account is safe, of course!

    • We never see your twitter password.
    • We won't tweet or follow anyone without your permission.
    • We only use your API calls when you fav, retweet, or follow someone.
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    Oral sex is just too risky. Get it in writing.

    • 322
    • FAVS
    YesImMattchicnlil1iGreenMonkcigarinLuvPugCpin42MichaelGrey420____Tiredof_urshit
    • 181
    • RETWEETS
    YesImMattchicnlil1cigarinJagerMouthloopyloup________whatitsmenejUECMusicMr_Paskie
    WhosTheresa
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    Don't judge people just because you are better than them.

    • 201
    • FAVS
    MikeLaFontaine1WhosTheresaloopyloup________nhhabibwhatitsmenejnotorious_starssandeepjaat111reprocessed
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    WhosTheresaloopyloup________nhhabibwhatitsmenejIsIsConfinedSinBadger________wallstblondedavidthewalrus
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    I really don't care if you have a nice day. Just don't go on a killing spree and we're cool.

    • 154
    • FAVS
    The_Dorkster______WhosTheresawhatitsmenejnotorious_starsBrutalParagonjademoooNurseRatchet719MsGreenGoddess
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    papigogetemNurseRatchet719kapete22__________ThadInproAllyTheJediKapanduHshnnnzlsmthSaraESpivey
    JackieluvsUK
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    Seems like dogs are playing a lot less poker than they did in the 70's.

    • 134
    • FAVS
    WhosTheresaJamiesimon40024skidoonhhabibTallIrishOnewhatitsmenejNoLuckWantedmrt1m
    • 79
    • RETWEETS
    trumpthechumpwhatitsmenejcanadasandrafluffysuseMartinezKCCjLoray85__tweaked_hippiesicksixsix
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    Did everything right. Ate food off her plate. Corrected her grammar. Told her my pet name for my penis is Richard Petty. I think she's gay.

    • 135
    • FAVS
    WhosTheresawhatitsmenejRealPrincessKimOld_Soul_BluesLeroyTee__________sweetandweak______red_panamavicki2020
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    ignacio_mirred_panamatheLK88s_cLaN07NurseRatchet719Naomi02_04Mr_PaskieSaraESpivey
    BigHeb7
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    Whatever, people who always know what day of the week it is.

    • 116
    • FAVS
    WhosTheresawhatitsmenejFRANKSTALICIOUSNurseRatchet719MsGreenGoddessAaronMichael_theDanLawlercdnbroad__________
    • 61
    • RETWEETS
    cdnbroad__________SaraESpiveyF4TlM4____________mrt1mSalmal44ItsMeEmyfavstar1000favsJooryZoghby______
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    That I follow 494 and have 119 followers doesn't automatically mean my favorite show is The Biggest Loser. That's like a coincidence man.

    • 109
    • FAVS
    WhosTheresawhatitsmenejMsGreenGoddessmaebemarblesAaronMichael_theDanLawlerSaraESpiveyNoLuckWanted
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    57thStateTweetrTrevor_NeitzelSaraESpiveyfavstar1000favsNikkiAgainBrianhopecomedyFGsPlayThingMaxine12333
    eliserose5
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    I get 'elevators' and 'escalators' mixed up. I think escalators have the steps and elevators are the ones you fart in when they're full.

    • 81
    • FAVS
    WhosTheresagreatfox44MsGreenGoddessAaronMichael_theDanLawlerSaraESpiveyNoLuckWantedmrt1m
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    SaraESpiveyMasilaJnrShutterMAI_Landcrusonjqnxpa1____SparklyStonesmisumixnbl6______irenegithuaEl_native
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    I want a woman that isn't superficial. With dark hair and a nice rack.

    • 92
    • FAVS
    WhosTheresanhhabibSuzziesGashwhatitsmenejDanKCharnley__sHaRD__RedheadedTramp____FRANKSTALICIOUS
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    whatitsmenejkaty_baybayNickJBurrowsred_panamapapigogetemOverdue_BillstheLK88NurseRatchet719
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    But I don't WANNA be a Walmart greeter forever. - guys named Gordon

    • 102
    • FAVS
    WhosTheresaNurseRatchet719AaronMichael_theDanLawlersexlessinthectySaraESpiveyNoLuckWantedmrt1m
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    Tweetloose________AllysonSannerfavstar1000favsSaraESpiveyillz35BrianhopecomedyFGsPlayThingohwrigley________
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    If you think my last tweet was bad, wait till my next one. It's really going to suck.

    • 84
    • FAVS
    WhosTheresaJordyPants_kiralcwhatitsmenejNurseRatchet719MsGreenGoddessAaronMichael_Creamerfan1
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    whatitsmenejMsGreenGoddessSaraESpiveyFGsPlayThingohwrigley________SumReecesPieces__Favstar500Favsevol_monkey__
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    Everyone needs that special someone to make them feel whole. And a set of those yellow corn holders.

    • 77
    • FAVS
    WhosTheresaJordyPants_emsykaywhatitsmenejjpeace3rdMsGreenGoddessAaronMichael_pritamJAYKAR
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    Pucker21whatitsmenejjpeace3rdSaraESpiveyFGsPlayThingbellazinsDnuttSparklecokThe_Sculptress
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    So many of the women on twitter are out of my league. They're in the "I'll pay you $25 just to slap me on the face in a public bar" league.

    • 69
    • FAVS
    whatitsmenejAaronMichael_SaraESpiveyNoLuckWantedmrt1mfluffysusekamweru_WndrWomanesque
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    SaraESpiveyBrianhopecomedyohwrigley________Favstar500FavsLoli_SugkamtweetingSumReecesPieces__PurpleSexBobomb
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    You know your Mom had too much to drink at the game when she executes a citizens arrests on the Zamboni driver for not using proper signals.

    • 70
    • FAVS
    whatitsmenejSaraESpiveyNoLuckWantedmrt1mfluffysusekamweru_WndrWomanesqueihuffpaint
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    ihuffpaintFGsPlayThingMaxine12333ohwrigley________Favstar500FavsMizBlueBallsrobocreepThe_Sculptress
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    A woman should carry a purse big enough to carry enough stuff to assure that she can never find a specific thing at any given time.

    • 52
    • FAVS
    WhosTheresaMichaelRielly10DanKCharnleynadineintorontoDanieChaseJ_ELLIS99Overdue_BillsNurseRatchet719
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    VILLHAVERFavstar_NSFWSirDineshkumarnadineintorontomike_moreauRosalba86J_ELLIS99BlackLizzyJ
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    WTF does "I don't take no flack" even mean? What is flack? And if no one takes it, where are we supposed to bring it if we do find some?

    • 57
    • FAVS
    embidemSaraESpiveymrt1mfluffysusekamweru_WndrWomanesqueBrianhopecomedyFGsPlayThing
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    FGsPlayThingFavstar500FavsRodneyYouHookerjesseblaine_10____The_SculptressmishakeyWet_WaffleAllysonSanner
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    Damn! Did I miss out on that whole "dress up like Spiderman for a free bacon burger" thingy?

    • 58
    • FAVS
    GreenEyedJediAaronMichael_SaraESpiveyNoLuckWantedmrt1mfluffysusetrumpthechumpFGsPlayThing
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    SaraESpiveyFGsPlayThingFavstar500Favsohwrigley________PerezTedCSandersWriterkamtweetingSumReecesPieces__
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    Twitter isn't a contest. No one is keeping score. (I'm winning 643 to 497)

    • 55
    • FAVS
    NurseRatchet719GreenEyedJediPipRatre_petedsexlessinthectygutterpennyNerd_Boner________claire_mudie
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsKeeleOfficiallyclaire_mudieSaraESpiveyFGsPlayThingLoli_SugjoellelynnAnnaCordelia
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    In jail, you should always find the biggest, toughest guy and beat him to a pulp. This also works when jostling for a number at the DMV.

    • 46
    • FAVS
    jpeace3rdGreenEyedJedire_petedAaronMichael_SaraESpiveyNoLuckWantedmrt1mfluffysuse
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    re_petedesnesySaraESpiveyFGsPlayThingGorrdanoDirtyPawz_Lisa_Laughs_FierceMess
  • MikeLaFontaine1
      The Dude @MikeLaFontaine1

    My favorite movie about Canadians is Fargo.

    • 41
    • FAVS
    trumpthechumpWhosTheresaDanKCharnleysanbayNurseRatchet719Tweetloose________jpeace3rdGreenEyedJedi
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    KrWtt____________NurseRatchet719KennedyTestSaraESpiveyimence2DivineLately______valentinebobbyMTRod93__________
@MikeLaFontaine1

@MikeLaFontaine1

Strange Chinese fortune cookie: Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's Rae N. Ng. http://t.co/g8eBdy95