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my wife and I love to play good cop good cop we just eat donuts all day hey where are the kids
The best and worst thing about Papa Roach is the fact they'll be the only band left after the World War 3 nuclear holocaust
I swear one of our cats keeps peeing in our bed cuz I wake up wet with urine every morning but it's weird cuz I have no cats and sleep alone
"Bartender, I'd like a Trayvon Martini"
*bartender slides two drinks over*
"Comes with a free shooter, the Zimmerman"
Hey just remember at the end of the day we're all saying shit on here because we want to get attention, otherwise we'd be keeping journals.
Hey cool 170 followers only infinity more until my self esteem levels up!!
if I push my pecs together I have cool cleavage but I still can't fill out my wife's bras and that's emasculating :(
My wife loves Pinterest and I like Twitter and with a few small tweaks these words perfectly describe our marriage (disinterest and bitter)
This memory foam mattress is gr8 it remembers everything so many sleepless, tear filled nights my marriage is in shambles I have no way out
"we're all unique snowflakes" - some dumb ass snowflake with low self esteem probably. stfu you all look the same how are you even talking?!
I do the laundry when my wife works weekends and I always fold her underwear, especially after trying them on.
Just doubled up on some Nyquil so you know its gonna bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
put ur hands in the air if you a true playa k now put ur left foot in and shake it all about haha ur doing the hokey pokey dumbass
Hey dudes what's up not much huh well let's all get together and do a bunch of man stuff just a bunch of dudes doing man stuff game on
I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy he was too good at breakdancing and I'm a lousy shot
If you want to know what Hanson has been up to they are part of my church choir it was cool at first but Hymnbop is played out now
I've started running again every day and sometimes it's not even from commitment!
im a head and shoulders guy. im all head and shoulders. im a freak of nature. i shouldnt be alive. my hair is dandruff free which is a plus.
Hey so does anyone know when you get your first paycheck from twitter plz DM me
I'm going to the opera
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