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  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    my wife and I love to play good cop good cop we just eat donuts all day hey where are the kids

    • 165
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22GinRumMebengulateSkullcatLorenaGuzman_Lama911Your_Boy_DylanWhosTheresa
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    bengulatemisslashblastrraaykacharmcitychickKylaMcNeilmiserymozzerygsodohGodDammitDan
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    The best and worst thing about Papa Roach is the fact they'll be the only band left after the World War 3 nuclear holocaust

    • 136
    • FAVS
    bengulateGodDammitDanun1xphysconatarias7jnrbtsn__________gato_fumando______ShockTartBionicarandomhim
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    Tim_TeeJayun1xphyscoTeejayRushjnrbtsn__________DustinAHarkinsMike_Bianchi_iacta_est_Betch_Fest
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    I swear one of our cats keeps peeing in our bed cuz I wake up wet with urine every morning but it's weird cuz I have no cats and sleep alone

    • 96
    • FAVS
    bengulateSkullcatLama911GodDammitDannightst4lkerScarletSleepyjnrbtsn__________ShockTartBionic
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    HabitofARCANEScarletSleepyTeejayRushjnrbtsn__________Mike_BianchiCrappy_Face_PicAshlySeanJustUnstableMe
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    "Bartender, I'd like a Trayvon Martini"
    *bartender slides two drinks over*
    "Comes with a free shooter, the Zimmerman"

    • 81
    • FAVS
    bengulateSkullcatLama911GodDammitDanJVarsityCaptainjnrbtsn__________ShockTartBioniclidsaver
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    ghostofphantommike_gebhardtOGflipsslugginthrutryme711__mrtruthandsoulmetaph0riahesterkris
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    Hey just remember at the end of the day we're all saying shit on here because we want to get attention, otherwise we'd be keeping journals.

    • 68
    • FAVS
    canadasandrabengulateSqueeb_Slayerdontcallme_thatmeowshleySkullcatLama911GodDammitDan
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    MJsGrlbengulateILuvBiscuits84SkullcatvinazolladymischeleZombie_TwilightAlannaSwerve
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    Hey cool 170 followers only infinity more until my self esteem levels up!!

    • 67
    • FAVS
    bengulateSqueeb_Slayera_tranquil_deerAthenaMystiqueSkullcatGodDammitDanHellasPlanitiaDahmerscookpot
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    ShaySleezLondonSkullcatHellasPlanitiajinxyjakeejnrbtsn__________LuckoftheDraw86JaiyeJonesgonzalez_iram
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    if I push my pecs together I have cool cleavage but I still can't fill out my wife's bras and that's emasculating :(

    • 59
    • FAVS
    bengulateSkullcatGodDammitDandjskill3tgregdundeeAthenaMystiqueun1xphyscojnrbtsn__________
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    djskill3tAthenaMystiqueun1xphyscojnrbtsn__________dasubersexualFavstar500FavsTweetinChrismerican_ninjy
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    My wife loves Pinterest and I like Twitter and with a few small tweaks these words perfectly describe our marriage (disinterest and bitter)

    • 57
    • FAVS
    GinRumMebengulateSkullcatLama911GodDammitDanSweetStaceyRNBitter_Barbiegregdundee
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    GinRumMebengulate2EACHHISPHONEFavstar500FavsAthenaMystiquejnrbtsn__________ShockTartBionicmerican_ninjy
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    Hey @webmd if I do butt stuffin with my pregnent wife does anything happen to the unbiblical cord?

    • 53
    • FAVS
    GinRumMebengulateSkullcatShockTartBionicbat_braCommndrAlxanderCalliejacobson____wowgeeznathan
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    GinRumMebengulateFavstar500Favsbat_braCommndrAlxanderthrill713ChadwickGibbonssobeys_grocery
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    This memory foam mattress is gr8 it remembers everything so many sleepless, tear filled nights my marriage is in shambles I have no way out

    • 48
    • FAVS
    SoTweetingFunnyTeflonPawnSqueeb_Slayera_tranquil_deerShaySleezLondonbengulateSkullcatameo02
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    SoTweetingFunnyhipster_brigadebengulateSkullcatPetalandPeachesAthenaMystiquejnrbtsn__________Snarfernini
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    "we're all unique snowflakes" - some dumb ass snowflake with low self esteem probably. stfu you all look the same how are you even talking?!

    • 43
    • FAVS
    GinRumMebengulateSkullcatGodDammitDanjnrbtsn__________ShockTartBionicThomas_LullCrappy_Face_Pic
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    bengulatekameronsaffordTomServo18SnarferniniTweetinChrisCRISTOFERMONTELmrtruthandsouldrownthedays
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    I do the laundry when my wife works weekends and I always fold her underwear, especially after trying them on.

    • 43
    • FAVS
    bengulateSkullcatLama911GodDammitDanjnrbtsn__________ShockTartBionicThomas_LullIoniel
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    sunfilterChanMahadmydmacTmoney68mrtruthandsoulSnarferniniProfessor_RyanDurtMcHurtt
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    Just doubled up on some Nyquil so you know its gonna bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

    • 45
    • FAVS
    SkullcatGodDammitDanjnrbtsn__________ShockTartBionicwilliamwantonMike_BianchiThomas_LullLuckoftheDraw86
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    LuckoftheDraw86WhyofCorsomrtruthandsoulthrill713heidi420xEatingmeals
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    put ur hands in the air if you a true playa k now put ur left foot in and shake it all about haha ur doing the hokey pokey dumbass

    • 37
    • FAVS
    SkullcatGodDammitDanjnrbtsn__________ShockTartBionicgato_fumando______Mike_BianchiCrappy_Face_Picmydmac
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    jamesssgibsonxlivevilmrtruthandsoulDeusExBlackinashepher25038479heidi420xMacGregorCarrsandwich_haver
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    Hey dudes what's up not much huh well let's all get together and do a bunch of man stuff just a bunch of dudes doing man stuff game on

    • 36
    • FAVS
    SkullcatGodDammitDanjnrbtsn__________ShockTartBionicSnarferninimydmacSonofConwaykelkulus2
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    Snarferninithrill713mrtruthandsoulheidi420xchkilroydonutdickShrek_Ambulancechris_M_coupe____
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy he was too good at breakdancing and I'm a lousy shot

    • 34
    • FAVS
    SkullcatGodDammitDanJVarsityCaptainjnrbtsn__________gato_fumando______ShockTartBionicJustUnstableMeRupturedCockery
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    heidi420xSnarferniniLuckoftheDraw86JVivonecowboy_scoobyOBiiieeeefavstar_popv3katelynn
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    If you want to know what Hanson has been up to they are part of my church choir it was cool at first but Hymnbop is played out now

    • 30
    • FAVS
    Lama911thatchickwcurlsJVarsityCaptainjnrbtsn__________ShockTartBionicghostofphantommrtruthandsoulVanVeenB
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    JVarsityCaptainmrtruthandsoulheidi420xCrappy_Face_Pictor_92_vnatasha_kathrynmark_bolesNICKtheNAILER
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    I've started running again every day and sometimes it's not even from commitment!

    • 29
    • FAVS
    SkullcatLama911AthenaMystiquejnrbtsn__________ShockTartBionicbpracchCrappy_Face_Picmydmac
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    jnrbtsn__________Crappy_Face_PicHoldStillJustUnstableMethrill713mrtruthandsoulStaciNelsonhayleemanchur
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    im a head and shoulders guy. im all head and shoulders. im a freak of nature. i shouldnt be alive. my hair is dandruff free which is a plus.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    Skullcatjnrbtsn__________gato_fumando______ShockTartBionicmydmacashleykellyxothrill713Calliejacobson____
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    thrill713mrtruthandsoulzipoffsheidi420xgoodpowerful__dr_dammitEatingmeals
  • MikeMcMikaelson
      Mike @MikeMcMikaelson

    Hey so does anyone know when you get your first paycheck from twitter plz DM me

    • 31
    • FAVS
    SkullcatLama911ShockTartBionicCrappy_Face_PicsanthonythomasLuckoftheDraw86JustUnstableMeSonofConway
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    LuckoftheDraw86thrill713mrtruthandsoulTheilluminati80Snarferniniheidi420xgoodpowerful__
@MikeMcMikaelson

@MikeMcMikaelson