Working on starting a cult of personality. Looking for a better personality to start it around.

Black Friday for dudes is called "Christmas Eve."

Comic-Con apparently spent the last two weeks making a better error message page. #SDCC

Quick guys, time for us to start brainstorming excuses for our bosses tomorrow about why we’re so sleepy. #Boston #Watertown

The president pardons a turkey, yet still refuses to pardon a crack commando team sent to prison for a crime they didn't commit. #ateam

Final Procrastination #lessscaryremakes

Man, Radiohead's great. They're such interesting conceptual artists. It would be super fun if they decided to make music!

#DumbestLawEver Gravity.

I wonder how much cognitive dissonance hipsters have when something they like starts trending.

Pretty sure the president is still Josiah Bartlet, right? #FactsWithoutWikipedia #WestWing @pres_bartlet

I want a Roomba. Not for cleaning, just for company.

On 4/20, as someone who’s never done drugs, I finally understand how Jews feel on Christmas.

Jennifer Lawrence's awful rapping was funny but not as funny as Natalie Portman's AWESOME rapping.  http://youtu.be/v8e6-IeQ0aw  #snl

Anyone who still says "World Wide Web" is also wearing Depends.

@americanidol I #idoldisagree because I think Zoanette needs a therapist, not a record deal.

Jodie Foster’s kids: Is one a time traveler of the other one? #GoldenGlobes

Hope Neil Armstrong comes back from Death with some Death Rocks to show us it's not as scary as we think.

I wish that Watchmen was a gritty documentary about a couple young jewelers with tiny screwdrivers and a dream.

I'm not that confident. I gave my landlord an insecurity deposit.

Just had a 3.2 earthquake. Whoopdie-dooooo! If you didn’t notice it, you’re officially a Californian. #earthquake