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  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    Gift @MikeSchism Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 2,011
    • LIKES
    hottentotsgotKMADrunnerbu77onLinajkReturnsbuzcutssir_isaac_lime__John26649305NorcoSlinger
    • 1,812
    • RETWEETS
    hottentotsgotbuzcutsF_T_SmasherBrdnStillHatesUIEatChawalMaiaMamacitarossanacandelaktmcburr
    ktmcburrdietredbullthetobbieJustLikeMikeeSoSofieFatalebulls_horns______Erik_AllenSashaBrennerllvvzzImaFlyontheWallGetbentLAJuiceticlesazbadobennybootletsdancebitchsHerPinkRibbonsButtonsPusher____KatarinaKrizTwatyTweetsPlatinumShower____mikeymileosklusterfunk______Karimi______________awkwrdlywrded____RitleySammichlorlorlori________urbanprojectzKyle_LippertGSouderkennyhcomedyrudym55CamusOverEasybarbwireboxers24_7jokes________
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    my package needs stimulus

    • 689
    • LIKES
    hottentotsgotDarkTallBastardktmcburrStephenBCramer__BhaduSharvansiempredelilahELeslieAMLJakeLewis043
    • 63
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    Kimgee8onume_Shwento__WathiariWTHEDUTHCHESSmayavincentAndLive2Lovejnrbtsn__________
    trialfemme
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    Bragging about your twitter success in real life is like telling people you found a treasure map

    • 552
    • LIKES
    SomeGuyAnonhottentotsgotktmcburrK__g_nV_g_nGreGooglyMooglyWhoopdeedoo22BhaduSharvansiempredelilahE
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    • RETWEETS
    SomeGuyAnonhottentotsgotcrazyabhishyameyandturnipsReid107mindknowsitselfGreGooglyMooglysiempredelilahE
    ddscrapRealJimmySnow____
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    "last xmas you gave me your heart, but the very next day you found out i was gay" that's what george michael really meant to say

    • 567
    • LIKES
    hottentotsgotktmcburrWhoopdeedoo22StephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaNotaFunnyLady__Dr0p0fGoldenSun__MacKoolio
    • 80
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    robwalton30peter_finsterdwweeecharnizzle_THEDUTHCHESSangelamweber__Trigg3rHippiec0micb00kcrush
    ElephartHormonella
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    i am a twitter superstar, i can't follow more than 100 people, i dont have to read your tweets, but keep starring mine, because i'm special

    • 559
    • LIKES
    hottentotsgotktmcburrStephenBCramer__docjommdMiniwheats2012quiziep8jazz101dwzdHumor_Fetish
    • 61
    • RETWEETS
    quiziep8jazz101dwzdEmeLyyy14close_c__180_DerekMrTravCarter__Kimgee8DukeOfOyl________
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    every now and then i DM my bot followers, and tell them about my problems, they don't answer back, but i know in my heart, they care

    • 543
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    hottentotsgotWhoopdeedoo22StephenBCramer__Nerudaearthjensen1230whineywhiskydwzdHumor_Fetish
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    Nerudaearthdwzdclose_c__Kimgee8MarkMazzPineapple_Cake_taitutu__AustralaJake
    DctorFun__
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    If George Carlin were alive today and had a twitter account, he would completely kick our collective asses

    • 455
    • LIKES
    Jordyn_Greyhighlandkittyhottentotsgote21_2007peckishlyrealHamOnWryWhoopdeedoo22Ideal_Victoria
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    DownFrontArtisthottentotsgotmadmaxrerisenNotaFunnyLady__LMHPhotogangelamweber__AronMorrislippythelion69
    Voiceofgarthbfriend__StephenBCramer__
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    Dane Cook's success, makes about as much sense as a neo-Nazi sticking it to the Jews by swearing off pork for life.

    • 518
    • LIKES
    hottentotsgotStephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaLBelle1THEDUTHCHESSDrBoozenitPineapple_Cake_professor_eks
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    angelamweber__Barbz88FGsPlayThingHurly_BurlyJillbethm________AwhDiddyTweetsshanetheveinfavstar1000favs
    llvvzzSkunkFarts
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    my tweets aren't for everyone, it takes a special kind of asshole to like them

    • 427
    • LIKES
    hottentotsgotbroleary1hellenah_Ndisaronno4meTinnaaFaceeeKala_soormaPreci5ely__Kimgee8
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    broleary1KrisJ1321________SlimKardashianItsTheJavYoNIKKIDIAMONDS80andy_nyikaKimgee8angelamweber__
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, you're getting stabbed

    • 399
    • LIKES
    hottentotsgotJn1ferDadandBuriedmiss_saucytartthulnicolleJjkinky49Jeffcrackermushladyfiredancer
    • 95
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    Jn1ferItsRaichurathulnicolleladyfiredancermadmaxrerisenangelamweber__smartypeachDr0p0fGoldenSun__
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    theres nuthin more awkward, than running into ur boss, at a whorehouse, on the day, you both called out Sick

    • 449
    • LIKES
    hottentotsgotStephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaNotaFunnyLady__LBelle1DrBoozenitmayavincentminer333
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    angelamweber__miner333Pineapple_Cake_Trigg3rHippieFGsPlayThingR15S5madmaxrerisenQueenofUrUnivrs
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    there's nothing wrong with watching porn, it's an act of love between a man and a woman and another man and another man and another man

    • 439
    • LIKES
    hottentotsgotStephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaNotaFunnyLady__DrBoozenitmayavincentBlondAmbitionTOHollywoodCrab
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    angelamweber__HuajatollaChicNotaFunnyLady__AngHend____Pineapple_Cake_tonithestrangeryerywtrjrthytr__FreshlySane
    designersaysDadNeedsADrink
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    i once did a stand up gig at a mental institution, everyone laughed hysterically
    except for this one guy, it turns out he was cured

    • 421
    • LIKES
    hottentotsgotredpawn33FlashyTaserCheeseboy22ThinkOutsideL7mkesquire__redpawn3StephenBCramer__
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    Katyinprogress____
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    tweeting filthy jokes for stars is the twitter equivalent to sucking dicks for crack

    • 397
    • LIKES
    hottentotsgotStephenBCramer__greggoodman77hstweetheartIdeal_VictoriaDrBoozenitprofessor_ekssassymcmelons
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    angelamweber__Trigg3rHippieWGeaslinBarbz88FGsPlayThingR15S5Jawza2madmaxrerisen
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    Why are hardened criminals allowed to lift weights in prison to get stronger and more menacing? give them a ping pong table or valiums

    • 368
    • LIKES
    hottentotsgotBroIiftgreggoodman77hstweetheartIdeal_VictoriaNotaFunnyLady__DrBoozenitprofessor_eks
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    SnarkyLemurVodkaShorebirdangelamweber__Trigg3rHippieteacup_giraffe____Nursegrrl8Puddinlove1kevnasto
    gotmyhairdidrockraproll______
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    when i die, i don't think i wanna be cremated or buried, Taxidermy sounds fucking awesome

    • 373
    • LIKES
    StephenBCramer__ednitiondell0717GentlyTemperedOld_Buddy_BoyIdeal_VictoriaMystique1975LindaInDisguise
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    angelamweber__GentlyTemperedIdeal_Victoriadelightphilgrind_n_roll__Trigg3rHippieStillJessLSFGsPlayThing
    vivalacrap
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    all the money Wiley Coyote spent on ordering gadgets from Acme, he could've been eating at red lobster and banging hookers left and right

    • 355
    • LIKES
    StephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaRoBaumeister______miss_saucytartNotaFunnyLady__DrBoozenitAmeiamsassymcmelons
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    AgamemNOMNOM
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    some of these twitter prima donnas, need to be reminded that this is only twitter and not hollywood

    • 361
    • LIKES
    StephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaLindaInDisguiseDrBoozenitAmeiamsassymcmelonsryerywtrjrthytr__LauraDurzi
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    FGsPlayThingSolelyBShazzaLMletsdancebitchsSpiderogerFlirtyLana________JustSusan13______EdithMacrotch
    sherriva__________
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    Homo Erectus is the Scientific Term for "a gay guy with a boner". am i right people?

    • 351
    • LIKES
    StephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriashutupheavDrBoozenitsassymcmelons__Syncophant__LauraDurziangelamweber__
    • 15
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    ralphlehmann1FGsPlayThingjonwarkJoniff__charlzeroTwobit333kevnastoKevinDeanGander
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    they really need to sell Snuggies with dickholes in them

    • 336
    • LIKES
    StephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaDrBoozenitmayavincentsassymcmelons__Syncophant__LauraDurziangelamweber__
    • 18
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    DarkEvilKingPuddinlove1kevnastoFGsPlayThingR15S57palms__ambs_m019ImaFlyontheWall
@MikeSchism

@MikeSchism

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