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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    Gift @MikeSchism Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 2,009
    • FAVS
    bu77onLinajkReturnsbuzcutssir_isaac_lime__John26649305pbms_bitchBrdnStillHatesUbootyandwine
    • 1,811
    • RETWEETS
    buzcutsF_T_SmasherBrdnStillHatesUIEatChawalMaiaMamacitarossanacandelaktmcburrmdpakratt
    ktmcburrdietredbullthetobbieJustLikeMikeeSoSofieFatalebulls_horns______Erik_AllenSashaBrennerllvvzzImaFlyontheWallGetbentLAJuiceticlesazbadobennybootletsdancebitchsHerPinkRibbonsButtonsPusher____KatarinaKrizTwatyTweetsPlatinumShower____mikeymileosklusterfunk______Karimi______________awkwrdlywrded____RitleySammichlorlorlori________urbanprojectzKyle_LippertGSouderkennyhcomedyrudym55CamusOverEasyDr_Boondoggle24_7jokes________
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    my package needs stimulus

    • 687
    • FAVS
    ktmcburrStephenBCramer__BhaduSharvansiempredelilahELeslieAMLJakeLewis043ImKillinYou__EdFlint2
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    Kimgee8onume_Shwento__aKenyan_THEDUTHCHESSmayavincentAndLive2Lovejnrbtsn__________
    trialfemme
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    Bragging about your twitter success in real life is like telling people you found a treasure map

    • 550
    • FAVS
    ktmcburrK__g_nV_g_nGreGooglyMooglyWhoopdeedoo22BhaduSharvansiempredelilahELeslieAMLknittgirl
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    crazyabhishyameyandturnipsReid107mindknowsitselfGreGooglyMooglysiempredelilahEKimgee8onume_
    ddscrapRealJimmySnow____
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    "last xmas you gave me your heart, but the very next day you found out i was gay" that's what george michael really meant to say

    • 566
    • FAVS
    ktmcburrWhoopdeedoo22StephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaNotaFunnyLady__Dr0p0fGoldenSun__MacKoolioshutupheav
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    robwalton30peter_finsterdwweeecunt_tagiousTHEDUTHCHESSangelamweber__Trigg3rHippiec0micb00kcrush
    ElephartHormonella
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    i am a twitter superstar, i can't follow more than 100 people, i dont have to read your tweets, but keep starring mine, because i'm special

    • 558
    • FAVS
    ktmcburrStephenBCramer__docjommdMiniwheats2012quiziep8jazz101dwzdHumor_Fetishclose_c__
    • 61
    • RETWEETS
    quiziep8jazz101dwzdEmeLyyy14close_c___PmaniacMrTravCarter__Kimgee8DukeOfOyl________
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    every now and then i DM my bot followers, and tell them about my problems, they don't answer back, but i know in my heart, they care

    • 542
    • FAVS
    Whoopdeedoo22StephenBCramer__Nerudaearthjensen1230whineywhiskydwzdHumor_Fetishclose_c__
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    Nerudaearthdwzdclose_c__Kimgee8MarkMazzPineapple_Cake_taitutu__AustralaJake
    DctorFun__
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    If George Carlin were alive today and had a twitter account, he would completely kick our collective asses

    • 452
    • FAVS
    e21_2007peckishlyHeyZeus666Whoopdeedoo22Ideal_VictoriaNotaFunnyLady__Dr0p0fGoldenSun__LBelle1
    • 117
    • RETWEETS
    madmaxrerisenNotaFunnyLady__LMHPhotogangelamweber__AronMorrislippythelion69SwarleyQuinnCuntyWhiteKnght__
    Voiceofgarthbfriend__StephenBCramer__
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    Dane Cook's success, makes about as much sense as a neo-Nazi sticking it to the Jews by swearing off pork for life.

    • 517
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaLBelle1THEDUTHCHESSDrBoozenitPineapple_Cake_professor_eksPurpell_Nurpell
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    angelamweber__Barbz88FGsPlayThingHurly_BurlyJillbethm________AwhDiddyTweetsshanetheveinfavstar1000favs
    llvvzzSkunkFarts
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    my tweets aren't for everyone, it takes a special kind of asshole to like them

    • 426
    • FAVS
    broleary1Hellen_Eronedisaronno4meTinnaaFaceeeKala_soormapreci5elyKimgee8chigby
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    broleary1KrisJ1321________SlimKardashianItsTheJavYoNIKKIDIAMONDS80andy_nyikaKimgee8angelamweber__
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, you're getting stabbed

    • 398
    • FAVS
    Jn1ferDadandBuriedmiss_saucytartthulnicolleJjkinky49Jeffcrackermushladyfiredancersmartypeach
    • 95
    • RETWEETS
    Jn1ferItsRaichurathulnicolleladyfiredancermadmaxrerisenangelamweber__smartypeachDr0p0fGoldenSun__
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    theres nuthin more awkward, than running into ur boss, at a whorehouse, on the day, you both called out Sick

    • 448
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaNotaFunnyLady__LBelle1DrBoozenitmayavincentminer333Pineapple_Cake_
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    angelamweber__miner333Pineapple_Cake_Trigg3rHippieFGsPlayThingR15S5madmaxrerisenQueenofUrUnivrs
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    there's nothing wrong with watching porn, it's an act of love between a man and a woman and another man and another man and another man

    • 438
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaNotaFunnyLady__DrBoozenitmayavincentBlondAmbitionTOHollywoodCrabPineapple_Cake_
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    angelamweber__HuajatollaChicNotaFunnyLady__AngHend____Pineapple_Cake_tonithestrangeryerywtrjrthytr__FreshlySane
    designersaysDadNeedsADrink
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    i once did a stand up gig at a mental institution, everyone laughed hysterically
    except for this one guy, it turns out he was cured

    • 420
    • FAVS
    CthulhuWillRiseFlashyTaserCheeseboy22ThinkOutsideL7mkesquire__redpawn3StephenBCramer__Ideal_Victoria
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    ThinkOutsideL7redpawn3angelamweber__ralphlehmann1Grind_n_Roll_LUMPFGsPlayThingImaFlyontheWall
    Katyinprogress____
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    tweeting filthy jokes for stars is the twitter equivalent to sucking dicks for crack

    • 396
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramer__greggoodman77hstweetheartIdeal_VictoriaDrBoozenitprofessor_ekssassymcmelons__Syncophant__
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    angelamweber__Trigg3rHippieWGeaslinBarbz88FGsPlayThingR15S5Jawza2madmaxrerisen
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    Why are hardened criminals allowed to lift weights in prison to get stronger and more menacing? give them a ping pong table or valiums

    • 367
    • FAVS
    BroIiftgreggoodman77hstweetheartIdeal_VictoriaNotaFunnyLady__DrBoozenitprofessor_ekssassymcmelons
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    SnarkyLemurVodkaShorebirdangelamweber__Trigg3rHippieteacup_giraffe____Nursegrrl8Puddinlove1kevnasto
    gotmyhairdidrockraproll______
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    when i die, i don't think i wanna be cremated or buried, Taxidermy sounds fucking awesome

    • 373
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramer__edbritondell0717GentlyTemperedOld_Buddy_BoyIdeal_VictoriaMystique1975LindaInDisguise
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    angelamweber__GentlyTemperedIdeal_VictoriadelightphilGrind_n_RollTrigg3rHippieStillJessLSFGsPlayThing
    vivalacrap
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    all the money Wiley Coyote spent on ordering gadgets from Acme, he could've been eating at red lobster and banging hookers left and right

    • 355
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaRoBaumeister______miss_saucytartNotaFunnyLady__DrBoozenitAmeiamsassymcmelons
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    HuajatollaChicNotaFunnyLady__TheDutchess_x3kevnastoLindaInDisguiseFGsPlayThingTheDairylandDonNodine13__________
    AgamemNOMNOM
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    some of these twitter prima donnas, need to be reminded that this is only twitter and not hollywood

    • 361
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaLindaInDisguiseDrBoozenitAmeiamsassymcmelonsryerywtrjrthytr__LauraDurzi
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    FGsPlayThingSolelyBShazzaLMletsdancebitchsSpiderogerFlirtyLana________JustSusan13______EdithMacrotch
    sherriva__________
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    Homo Erectus is the Scientific Term for "a gay guy with a boner". am i right people?

    • 351
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriashutupheavDrBoozenitsassymcmelons__Syncophant__LauraDurziangelamweber__
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    ralphlehmann1FGsPlayThingjonwarkJoniff__charlzeroTwobit333kevnastoKevinDeanGander
  • MikeSchism
      Mike Schism @MikeSchism

    they really need to sell Snuggies with dickholes in them

    • 336
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramer__Ideal_VictoriaDrBoozenitmayavincentsassymcmelons__Syncophant__LauraDurziangelamweber__
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    DarkEvilKingPuddinlove1kevnastoFGsPlayThingR15S57palmsambs_m019ImaFlyontheWall
@MikeSchism

@MikeSchism

Not a Writer. Open-Micer Extra Ordinaire

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