Please fave this tweet in support of Bea’s boobs and I’ll donate 10¢ for every fave to the ACS for breast cancer research.

Straight talk, boys. If you’re out having fun and a girl drinks too much and passes out, your one and only job is to get her home safely.

If you are mad about something look at this picture. It’s a baby bison! pic.twitter.com/ib0e9efh

You mean AT&T had $39 billion sitting around and they WEREN’T BUILDING MORE FUCKING CELL TOWERS?!?!

Michelle Obama’s arms are the only guns this country needs.

First responders. Fucking awesome selfless people. Every one a hero.

Had to leave the bar after some asshole from Google kept sliding a phone over to me and saying “Hey, I think someone forgot this here!!”

The Tea Party is the biggest case of Stockholm Syndrome ever. Poor people rallying to the cause of those keeping them in poverty.

Fave this tweet if you want me and @amyjane to do a podcast about @gruber.

I claim hoax and demand that @donttrythis reenact that free fall.

Ever walk into the toilet and find a turd already there and just drop yours on top of it to save a flush? Well CNN is buying Mashable.

Attn journalists: Please for the love of all that is holy get Mitt Romney to say “Pussy Riot”. DJs need the sample.

So the iPhone 4S has everything you expected, a few things more, and you’re annoyed it’s not an iPhone 5?

I hate sharing a planet with you.

You can call it the “Tea Party” all you want; but I know the Klan when I see it.

This may be the pinnacle of human achievement: pic.twitter.com/WRWyAecF

This is what happens when you hold the Super Bowl in a former homeless shelter.

Steve Jobs had an incredible life. You should have one too.

In times of tragedy Twitter should go into Quaker mode. Shut up or be meaningful.

Remember when Timothy McVeigh blew up Oklahoma City and 80% of the news was about him being a Christian?

Yeah, me neither.

Romney doesn’t want the government involved in our health care. Unless you’re a woman. Then the government should be all up in your shit.