I've a kidnapped a 1D member & made him cook while I rap. Free Styles. @harrystyles @harry_styles. http://t.co/54OxNM07

Somewhere in Africa, a man is making a film that will raise awareness about why some U.S. & U.K. leaders should also face war crimes charges

STOP BUYING FAKE @dopechef FROM EBAY. BUY IT DIRECTLY FROM MY FRIENDS AT @dopechef. THOSE OTHER CUNTS AREN'T CHEFS, THEY'RE DINNER LADIES.

RT @elroraps: Is it edgy for a white guy to rt a tweet with the n word on it? < It used to be blacks only but now anyone can write 'Nando's'

Some uni students will feel richer than MJ at the height of his wealth soon. They'll look at their grants and sing, 'You are not a loan...'

If you love your mum, listen (I'm not trying to intimidate you. It's a song about mothers by @kallavelle & me):  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPRdrQt6R6g …

This is a @dopechef appreciation tweet. They're about to send me a package more wicked than the act of delivering a baby via Royal Mail.

Don't worry, Spurs. You actually won that game. You scored 6 goals, Harry Redknapp just hid 4 in an offshore account.

@pinkrubicon I don't even find what you said that bad, I just hate your face. You look like the love-child of Matt Lucas and Katie Waissel.

“@harleighjwt: @mikillpane any reason why you aren't at Parklife?” < Because it hasn't started yet and I'm on the toilet, taking a shit.

Happy Mothers' Day from @kallavelle and me:  https://www.youtube.com/embed/fPRdrQt6R6g …

Proud of my brother @edsheeran. Got to see him play in the USA, and he smashed it NYCely http://t.co/JWsNP6LS

“@josh260: Just ordered a Dope Chef @mikillpane t shirt :)” < You can't have. The Mikill Pane x @dopechef range sold out months ago.

I wonder how bad John Terry's leg injury is. Let's hope the joint didn't swell. We all know what he's like when he sees a knee grow.

Fuck Sepp Blatter. How can you expect a black man to shake hands after being a victim of racism? Everyone knows we prefer to spud people.

'OI! YOU! ARE YOU GONNA BANG?!', said Funky Dee. 'No, Mr. Dee; we'd rather sit our SATS first', said the girls.

“@fi_mad: @mikillpane Soulja Boy & Sean Paul rape my timeline”< Could be worse. Aggro Santos & Mystikal would rape more than your timeline.

My new single 'Good Feeling' is out now. A-side + 2 remixes & B-side. £1.99. It's a cheap one, so be a dear?

 https://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/good-feeling-ep/id597853652 …

X

“@cyzulu: Before I die, I want to change someone's life...” < Hack into their Twitter and edit their bio.

Saw a dude holding a girl's bag in the station while she flirted with a member of staff. He asked, 'What zone is this?'.


THE FRIEND ZONE.