"The world is littered with the bodies of people that tried to stick it to ole J.R. Ewing!" ~ J. R. Ewing #Dallas
 http://twitpic.com/bfvzwy 

@southwestair DOUBLE RAINBOW at LAX! http://twitpic.com/3ij1hl

Me: Sorry guys, the Wifi on this plane isn't working. Passenger: WHAT? OMG. Are you frigging serious? Me: I said WiFi, not engine. #crewlife

Overheard a woman in the gate area bragging about fitting into a pair of size 0 jeans. Congratulations, you have the body of 10 yr old boy.

Thanks to Ed Hardy, Bluetooth ear pieces, Juicy Couture and obnoxious ringtones, I can spot a douchebag from about 100 feet.

Passenger: The last flight attendant let me do it. Me: Oh wow...that must have been the flight attendant they just fired. #crewlife

The fun in Twitter is people don't know if you're serious or just joking...Like the time I said I chased an ice cream truck in my underwear.

If you're keeping track of people that unfollow you or tweet about the people you're unfollowing because they don't follow back..take pills.

I have more respect for people who don't pretend to like me, than people that fake like me.

Captain: I remember when flight attendants use to show us respect! Me: I remember when pilots used to pay for my drinks! #crewlife

PEOPLE OF EARTH! IT IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING TO WALK AROUND THE AIRCRAFT BAREFOOT! PLEASE TELL YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS! Thank you.

Dear Hotel Housekeeping, I'm sorry. I turn into a klepto when I see an unattended housekeeping cart in the hallway... Sincerely, Mimi

For customer service press 1... for English press 2... for Spanish press 3... for compassion press 4 ...to speak to me cross your fingers.

Ok @twitter, it's time to give @liljimdickens @verified status already. He's an entertainer and @opry legend!

Aww @kimkardashian...$o $trong of you to keep your bu$ine$$ commitment$ in Au$tralia during thi$ tough time. I adore your $trength.

If you don't download @blakeshelton's new song "Honey Bee" right now...I'll cut you. #mexicansdontplay

I'm going to hitchhike to the nearest Waffle House.

I wish Facebook had a "Fuck No!" reply option with the Friend Requests.

I watch #SouthLAnd for its complex characters, storylines, action scenes, man candy, on point acting and...did I say man candy? Oh yeah...

There's nothing that clever, funny, pretty or important that it can't wait. PEOPLE! STOP TEXTING WHILE DRIVING! #egomaniacs