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Need a reminder that an extensive education doesn't mean you're smart? Read tech tweets from @phyllisstein you'll be like oh wow I'm dumb
But she was at the front of a line of 40 cars and she insisted on turning left, Your Honor.
Chrysler's "Imported from Detroit" tag line is perfect, considering Detroit strongly resembles a foreign (3rd world) country.
"Well Dr. Oz, the problem is, I often fart from my vagina."
Again, I wish I was making this up.
Maury: "We asked if you'd had sex behind chicken coop 3 with any coworkers at the chicken farm. The lie detector determined..."
(For real)
"Unemployment is higher than ever! There are no jobs! And all of these people on welfare are too lazy to go get a job!"
~Republicans
As a kid, my mom told me I'd be able to wear her shoes someday; #iusedtothink that meant her shoes would shrink.
Mr. President, when you get dressed in the morning, are you a "sock, sock, shoe, shoe" guy, or "sock, shoe, sock, shoe?" #ObamaonFallon.
"Dodge the Phlegmy Wads of Spit on the Cement" is a live-action game I just played while exiting my kid's high school.
What a hellish life, hope you can muster the strength. RT @kimkardashian: Back in LA now, off to my 1am spray tan. It never stops!
@michael_j_m00n But...but...I've watched every episode and movies, even the shitty second one. Samantha always has the vibrators!
@qu4rtkn33 Are you still giving up Twitter for Lent? If so, is there a protest website somewhere that I can add my name to? #jesussaysstay
@dosesofneurosis My Kroger grocery store has had Cadbury eggs (mini and regular!) out since BEFORE CHRISTMAS. I have gained 10#s.
Writer, editor, caped crusader on a mission to save the English language.
