Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Nervous around the person you like? Sue them. They'll be forced to see you in court, well dressed & in control. Let the law be your wingman.
my ex has had a really hard time moving on. from what i can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
A neurologist, a lawyer and a dentist walk into a bar. It's probably a fancy bar those jobs pay well. I forget the joke but good for them.
"I will be your hero" He said unto the people. - Iglesias 4:16
Kissing someone mid sentence is only cute in movies. I will press my hand against your face and slowly push it way until I'm done talking.
One time a college girl failed to pose with her hand on her hip in a photo and actually lost her scholarship. I wouldn't risk it.
I would love to go to a shooting range where the targets are just transcripts of conversations I've ended poorly
Pizza's like sex. Even when it's good, you're still fat.
who else is up and DTF? (depressed/tired/fat)
My right breast's name is Garfunkel because it's twice the size of the other but gets less exposure
I live in constant fear of being asked to do basic math.
I'm sorry, I haven't heard a word you've said since you uttered "I seen" instead of "I saw."
I feel offended when men hit on me but also when they don't. If you are a male reading this, I am offended.
"Hey, Hall?" "Yeah, Oates"
"You up?" "Yes, Oates"
"Was thinking about how your name is first and all and..." "Not this again"
Canada: the only place people threaten to move to
"MMILF" - Oedipus
"you're weird" - boring person
Choked on my drink laughing at my own shitty joke. This is how I'm going to die, I just know it.
"Okay MY TUUUURN" - me as a therapist
In the time I've spent trying to find an Instagram filter that best disguises my weight gain I could have completed a workout.