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  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    Nervous around the person you like? Sue them. They'll be forced to see you in court, well dressed & in control. Let the law be your wingman.

    • 6,324
    • FAVS
    jammers94oceanmist1224HiK_ByeKing_Ryan27recklessminajNick_FrostjilleatsapplesDillonian
    • 3,593
    • RETWEETS
    _zoegayle_iAshiXodevamithranpanjamirthamcouchgoddessmalesedal3A_Blue_Scadoofawnalandra
    BlairLoudlyrobfee
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    my ex has had a really hard time moving on. from what i can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)

    • 5,837
    • FAVS
    EsmesMommadevamithransugarandviceBigEelesjennregenscutmagju4jezus69Matt_Klados
    • 2,022
    • RETWEETS
    EsmesMommadevamithranhsmitty18DoubleNtropybkdavey_samgiquinto_Me_RawkiesSarNobz
    danjan13WhatevaConcBlondiethegoodandybaashfordJhonRulesnerdculaDryDickRandoMickey_McCauleylazy_joe_LastMermaid__Alex_LaValleegreenteam15
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    A neurologist, a lawyer and a dentist walk into a bar. It's probably a fancy bar those jobs pay well. I forget the joke but good for them.

    • 1,831
    • FAVS
    ChaseEraserBrewHimselfventriclemouseshutupandjamrayerayemachineericathanasmondolaringersleightof_HANDA
    • 998
    • RETWEETS
    imnoteverywomanafckinggrownupskyla_pbaconbittymuhammedallialaurenkonikofffSabrinaWolderZEROFACES
    _RichardParry_
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    "I will be your hero" He said unto the people. - Iglesias 4:16

    • 993
    • FAVS
    teaotehuiaradicaljocygaston_marianChandiggitywhitneysievmarinhubkaPastorBatekaetlynnn_1221
    • 525
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocygaston_marianChandiggitypineapplemilkkgojarbetravisaurussLuccibellaxoUndercoverDaan
    ColoradoCrowTheDairylandDonduplicitronzoeklar
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    Kissing someone mid sentence is only cute in movies. I will press my hand against your face and slowly push it way until I'm done talking.

    • 1,233
    • FAVS
    Wh1082WhitneyTimesTwoMinus1vegasburns_adamrenschcarolinesteph7SayHelloToNatetravisaurussAHappyCube
    • 465
    • RETWEETS
    Wh1082Whitney69shadesoftaarJillLeeLiggettsammyrenee96cartonofmeggstravisaurussamanduhhgracekrishna_van
    EenfidelDryDickRandoManda_like_wineSortaBadKalarlisMandySlamberg
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    One time a college girl failed to pose with her hand on her hip in a photo and actually lost her scholarship. I wouldn't risk it.

    • 827
    • FAVS
    GreeblehausadamrenschhstweetheartSilverBadgerJohn26649305ASpikerPyjamasRichabidhq
    • 457
    • RETWEETS
    usandhimblogSilverBadgerJohn26649305surishopOholickaterinahilliosamy_kate17Sarah_N_Vancetravisauruss
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    I would love to go to a shooting range where the targets are just transcripts of conversations I've ended poorly

    • 858
    • FAVS
    GreeblehausI_Loves_MeKittyKristenAcamporaZacharyKocandaineedaherowvYUNG_REPUBLIKANewfeezsayoder2
    • 430
    • RETWEETS
    brodwheyalysunamishearerlisajschriftmeisterAshgabatCatl3a1anc3dRodoPechautowitch
    spitfirehussy__cholesteroIandybaashfordsmedleegreenteam15MutedBSartistMiahSaintKalarlisjedfudallyrorynotroy
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    Flipped over my therapist's writing pad and it was just a New York Times crossword with "shut up" written in every blank.

    • 1,161
    • FAVS
    KTtoolquantumblissChelsea_Buddysuzdal92xoxo_kinseyPurringGirlellie_hbBustyShorty
    • 397
    • RETWEETS
    JaredGodwinquantumblissChelsea_BuddyHappenstance5derekbloisDonutOverMcJoCakesmatthewmckibben
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    Pizza's like sex. Even when it's good, you're still fat.

    • 969
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    69__96ItzNickyBitchhhGodeye1349unclebensnephewFingDuckOverdue_BillsNotThatNixonsydneybean123
    • 339
    • RETWEETS
    ItzNickyBitchhhtheNotoriousDANponycountryFingDuckOverdue_BillsNotThatNixonafckinggrownupDylanTrieu
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    who else is up and DTF? (depressed/tired/fat)

    • 767
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    GreeblehausadamrenschDaddyJewWigCannon419BillEfuzzlimeSketchpadTheGr8Procrastinarian
    • 329
    • RETWEETS
    419BillEfavstar_history_bigdudeZ_H_arklingonMichael_Fondue_PBody__AmericanGhouls
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    I live in constant fear of being asked to do basic math.

    • 469
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    MikeMcNeil_Greeblehausdolphinblud_E_____B_amandaa_kimSamInspiredsmilelovingdawnBoxwellNicholas
    • 281
    • RETWEETS
    Lin_ZOO_E_____B_SamInspiredbrontesistersmilelovingdawnLaurenJaquayspoachedmeggs_pimpleperson
    Thateverydayguy
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    My right breast's name is Garfunkel because it's twice the size of the other but gets less exposure

    • 833
    • FAVS
    YUNG_REPUBLIKANewfeezKat_Wildesayoder2santiro_94RaaqubJejossDanielNadeau98
    • 263
    • RETWEETS
    heystu818radicaljocyiiagbjazzjavajoysendezadelio93hv7JTWastewoodRocker
    SortaBadIGotsSmarts
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    I'm sorry, I haven't heard a word you've said since you uttered "I seen" instead of "I saw."

    • 430
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    teaotehuiaadamrensch419BillESketchpadTheGr8Thing_Finderjuneohara65goldengateblondjewfacekilla
    • 218
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyYourDadsBFFLornaHallsbusynessDinakhTbLadyLishyy_nufndThateverydayguy
    Kim_pulsive
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    woody allen: you up?
    me: yeah
    woody allen: wanna make love?
    me: sure
    woody allen: sure? what are we agreeing on a carpool? "sure" she says

    • 1,040
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    AlexiaAngelidesLexa624KaylaVerlaanJonnyBeatz88slambunctiousTwixxxxxxxxkittykatemeowlouberrychoc
    • 215
    • RETWEETS
    kirkleblanc40sacchettimarcotholtergeistRyanMcKnastyStephenCappsCaitlinalynwimothyjosephfavstar1000favs
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    I feel offended when men hit on me but also when they don't. If you are a male reading this, I am offended.

    • 482
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    SirEviscerateGreeblehausadamrenschPanicRestroomMrAngroBlackhollyberrynesshellominamooTingyS
    • 205
    • RETWEETS
    hollyberrynessdavid_tullryanoliverssgiventofly41bunny_britchesBobDonnelly6natfuckukrishna_van
    Corbblah__________
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    gotta look up from your phone, man. life is so short. I have such depth and understanding of the world. - sent from my iPhone

    • 294
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    edlinjmckennajudgethehurrytheharmbrischhChloe_Barton3carolinefreddgandskoshercrowee
    • 182
    • RETWEETS
    edlinjDaniPolaroidsnotarhatidladykoshercroweelindseyhighfootludicwanderlustavpd_bishounenchocholoski
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    slip out the back, jack. make a new plan, stan. i want a divorce, tom. yes i said divorce, tom. it doesn't have to rhyme you always do this

    • 454
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    zoproyoBreakAtmoAyyJJKnitForBrainscardim_guibloodyblink182TaySanoRileyLively
    • 172
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    thekalekittenbloodyblink182thetobbiertsSkippyreturns_Do_I_Know_YouemmyrawleyMaryiswritingnoahmannix
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    therapy should be free and mandatory

    • 341
    • FAVS
    snewcsssD_MCCLEARYbomelinohellokiki07SevanaSirenTheCatWhisprerToriEllis26joanne_arlene
    • 167
    • RETWEETS
    atieyKludicwanderlustSamCederlundmeowy53tighegurtarabrooksCallmeIEthickbranch
  • MindyFurano
      Mindy Furano @MindyFurano

    Canada: the only place people threaten to move to

    • 415
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    vakatiesdprobablyadogSirEviscerateShartzerCAnthonyVrotNMilkShakejwcphstephvallance46
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
    LisaBiesiadaMichaelGeloseLAKUnamatatabrandnameheroregistradusbdh1963belle_ombreThe_Yodacat
  • MindyFurano
    • 442
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    apatheticspazSirEvisceratetitanicFIENDmacofbaggenddslanakersamiliz1bheden007SweatyMoccasins
    • 160
    • RETWEETS
    titanicFIEND2Cs1Zladyslupe13BaconPancaaakesdrawingablank87mavyapsyDevinTheAceboxofpetrichor
    velvettuskB_poling82

Mindy Furano’s Best Tweets (By Retweets)

@MindyFurano

@MindyFurano

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