Stepmom located, all Boston Smitty's safe. Thanks for the RTs and kind messages. xx

Just heard the worst thing you could ever hear from the man in your life: "I'm now Facebook friends with your mother."

Good news! Just got the results back on my personality test - it was negative!

When you write an incomplete sentence and follow it up with a deictic demonstrative pronoun. That.

Life is like Ocean's 11: a lot of fun 'til Julia Roberts shows up and ruins it.

I just ate too many deep-fried chickpea fritters and now I falafel. :(

How my brother in the States envisions my job at M&S. pic.twitter.com/O7IrxDJr

Got a new nickname this weekend! "Barfy, The Eighth Dwarf." No reason.

@mrmichaelspicer Exciting, no? Saw this making-of VEEP feature on HBO & @simonblackwell was on my telly! x http://t.co/ODBPIGzq

A thing I wrote about bras.  http://kerrysmitty.tumblr.com/ 

If I were a waitress, I'd say YOU JUST GOT SERVED every time I delivered a meal.

I surprised my man with a bit of 'boudoir photography.' He said my matted hair, bleary eyes and ratty pajamas never looked sexier.

Pretty happy thinking of my brother the cop and my sister the nurse putting their feet up and having a cold beer back in Boston.

#FF the peerless Brennan Brothers @actinganeejit and @pat_bren I honestly love them.

Snow horsemeat Lance Armstrong (trying to condense a week's tweets into one.)

@4eyes_ Wrote this last eve: I try real hard to look my best/Whenever I am able. It's just a shame my boobs are now/Somewhere near my navel.

Knock knock! Who's there? It's the landlord and a plumber at 8:45am and you're still in your jimjams! Ha ha! This is not a good joke, guys.

A few short paragraphs on working at Britain’s Most Loved Retailer. http://t.co/3YKvbpSE

@actinganeejit The players could take snapshots of each other, not slapshots at each other. #NiceHockey

This lost Batman script from the 60s is a KAPOW! of funny right in the facebones. Follow its author @pat_bren and broseph @actinganeejit #FF