Girls on Periods - I'm fine. I hate you. I love you. I want ice cream. Come here. Get away. You're cute. Fuck off. Fuck that. Fuck this.

"please fix your shirt, i can see your bra strap..."

because it’s a big secret right?

secret boobs.

secret bra.

secret

Tattoos make you look better naked

If yoga pants were food, they'd be bacon.

Reasons to date me: 1. no one will try and steal me from you 2.sometimes I'm funny.

She's a keeper. Too bad you didn't keep her.

#MajorTurnOffs Bad breath. If you wanna talk to me and I can smell The Great Depression, you need a toothbrush.

Like a good neighbor State Farm is there...with a new relationship. #AlmostValentinesDay

Hardest decision of our childhood: Charmander, Squirtle or Bulbasaur.

#CornyPickUpLines Are you a pikachu? Because you are shockingly beautiful.

I want a person who comes into my life by accident, and stays on purpose.

I like my women the way i like peanut butter. Chunky ;)

#ExplainToMeWhy you shaved half your head. You shoulda asked someone if it would suit you.

#singlebecause Beyonce is a man and im a lesbian.

this
sounds
like
so
much
fun
omg
please
retweet
it
im
bored
!!! pic.twitter.com/dUGxj77z

#YoureMoreAttractiveIf you cannot lie about liking big butts.

I wish i could pack up and leave the country for a month or two.

If you date me we can play pokemon together.

#IGot99ProblemsBut like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

If I was a girl.  http://twitpic.com/by9w3l