I spent too much time in the shower this morning now 9 of my fingers are pruney

I am getting into the bathtub with my vibrator, and if I die, I die.

If I like you, you're getting a nickname.

If I don't, you're still getting one... You just won't know about it.

Canadian girls are the reason our countries' national animal is the Beaver

#DescribeYourSexLifeWithAMovie
Toy story

I want to treat your body like an amusement park.

A lack of something to say, speaks volumes.

Hate it when I commit to running a yellow and the guy in front of me doesn't

Just because I have a weakness for you, doesn't make me weak.

Guess what I'm doing.





Me!

Life is short. Drink the good wine.

I'm going to put the word "medicinal" in front of everything I put in my body tonight.

No teachers are here today due to the labour dispute
A school w/o kids is a school without laughter

Just kidding , it's fucking awesome

2 of our student caught screwing in the student parking lot today.

It's now official.... everyone is getting more action than me.

I'm going to lube up Monday so it's easier to take.

These infomercials are getting way better after midnight, 2 glasses of wine and a joint



Where's my credit card ?

I'll make it look like an accident

Wore my hair down in church today and when I hugged my priest he tugged on my hair.

That's got to be a sin....

But mine or his?

Today is a little too "Monday" for my liking.

Marking the creamo "breast milk" i put in the staff fridge seems to make no difference to my teachers.

Will try "urine sample" next
Fuckers