@MissPrissUSA's (Miss Prissy Pants) most faved Tweets...
Says the 5 y/o regarding dinner: Mom! It tastes really good... it just *looks* like poop. This boy may not live to see 6.
You gotta know, anytime the 9 y/o starts a story with "You'll never guess who peed today..." it's bound to be a story worth hearing.
Hooked the kids up w/Coconut Shrimp tonite. Apparently 9yo dislikes "furry" seafood. Guess that means ZERO chance she'll ever be into girls.
OH 5yo to 9yo: "If you do it, I'll let you smell my fresh farts." I've no idea what they are bartering over, but I think he follows you ppl.
Will someone PLEASE give those Victoria's Secret models a sandwich! Real women don't need overpriced crap to produce the illusion of curves.
Okay, I have to ask. Do *all* 5 y/o boys smell like pee? I'm asking for my sense of failure as a parent. And my nose.
The boy spent all morning chasing Ninja Kitty saying "I just wanna pet you." It seems he's gonna need better pickup lines to get any pussy.
I may have err'd letting 5yo stay up for a movie. He's wearing only underpants w/one hand on his junk. To his future wife: You're welcome.
The boy left pissed I wouldn't allow him to wear flip-flops. Stood my ground, but secretly just thankful he wasn't begging to wear heels.
What do you MEAN I have to pick my kid up today? I suppose next you're gonna tell me I have to get dressed too. Huh? What?! Nice. REAL nice.
Asking a 5 y/o to be silent is paramount to asking a man not to think about sex. I'm quickly learning it's never gonna happen.
I was dreading telling 5yo the hampster died. He didn't shed one tear. I've successfully passed on the Cold Hearted Bitch gene. Apparently.
I just saw an Amish woman talking on her cell phone. Now, I'm no expert on religion, but I'm pretty sure I heard the gates of hell opening.
Is it normal for a 5yo to lose his sense of hearing as bedtime approaches? I'm asking for my patience. And his ability to live another day.
My bulldog is so tough, nothing scares her. Except thunder. Strangers in the dark. Car horns. Oh, & rain. Otherwise, a virtual killer.
The throbbing is coming from inside the brain. Ok. Occasionally the ass, but today it's the brain. Definitely.
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