"Daddy Daughter Work Day" is really jamming up the amount of f-bombs I normally drop around my desk. Fuck.

There are few things classier than a couple of ladies buying a jumbo can of Spaghettios and two packs of Marlboro Reds on a Saturday night.

No I wasn't texting while driving. I was ssh'ing into my web server, restarting mysql and then testing to make sure my web site was back up.

If the car is smart enough to tell me it's 19 degrees out I should be smart enough to realize it's too cold to leave the fucking house.

Choked on my first drink of water. If that isn't a sign to go back to coffee I don't know what is.

Just physically wrote a check for the first time in two years. Fuck, I might as well chisel my next email on a stone tablet.

"Don't play while intoxicated" Get off your cloud of judgment, getting drunk and talking shit to 13 year olds is the reason I bought an xBox

Are drivers of the Chrysler Crossfire just huge fans of the "Ambiguously Gay Duo" or do they not realize they are driving a dickmobile?

A passive-aggresive email will guilt me into action. However that action will be leaving it at the top of my Inbox so I can laugh at it.

Ahhhh, first beer of the day. After 7 hours of wedding talk/planning I've fucking earned this thing and the 11 that will follow.

Fuck buddy, it's the breakfast bar at the Comfort Inn. Quite trying to make a latte out of drip coffe and fake creamer.

Learned a valuable lesson last night. Never eat tater tots before a long run. I spent 6 miles re-chewing those bastards.

I don't mind peeing next to 40 dudes, what bothers me is that it smells like fucking wasabi.

"My wife stole my Bare Naked Ladies Christmas CD." Dude, that's not even something I'd say around other men.

Coffee and 0 emails? I can't imagine a better morning. Well I can but it would involve booze and backstroking through a pool of cash, naked.

Is there anything more entertaining than watching a hipster trying to balance on his fixie at a red light? I could watch this shit all day.

Can't decide on the @favstar50. For every tweet that deserved 50 stars there's a Jonas or Bieber tweet that makes me want to punch a puppy.

Really NBC? Are you kidding me with this "Install Microsoft Silverlight" bullshit? How about I just watch it on YouTube instead.

What the fuck is convenient about a $8.60 convenience charge on a $19.00 ticket? Cut the bullshit and just make the ticket price $28.00.

Stepping away from the Ebay. Almost bid on a vintage lighter. I haven't thought, "Fuck, I wish I had fire in my pocket." in at least 3 years