If I call you on the phone and speak in dinosaur, and you "don't speak dinosaur," that isn't my problem. That's totally your problem.

It will be so cute when my future husband and I dance to "Big Shit Poppin and Little Shit Dropping" at our wedding.

Dave Matthew's Band is a great way to ruin an afternoon.

I don't care if you're in love. Nothing justifies matching sweaters.

Even thugs get sick.

I tried playing Kanye's latest album in my car, but it didn't work. Apparently, even my MP3 player think he's an asshole.

I look like a poorly dressed figure skater whose denim has been sprinkled with funfetti and hate.

I'm no expert, but I believe that kindness is the least effective way to kill a person.

Less government. More dinosaurs!

Whenever I'm having a bad day, @thequotewhore seems to fix it. Love that clever kid from Chicago!! :)

I just spent ten minutes yelling at a cat. How is YOUR night going?

In America, we celebrate Fat Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.

What I lack in class, I currently make up for in dinosaur t-shirts.

Waiting for my new business cards to arrive. I've been using these at networking events and getting mixed reactions. pic.twitter.com/sqfvPRuZ8h

Keeping an emergency survival kit is great because it makes me look insane and also doubles as a secret chocolate stash.

I would like to thank my friends with ugly boyfriends for taking one for the team and leaving the hotties for the rest of us.

I'm thankful for the courageous few who live by the rule, "spandex is a privilege, not a right."

Shark Week > Olympics

I have yet to watch a single episode of the television series "Glee." Go ahead, unfollow me.

RT @gitanaazul: @nepaltv Please RT? Help find Aubrey Sacco. Missing in Nepal #ISWU #Findaubrey http://www.aubreysacco.com”