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That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
Nothing says "this movie sucks" like Nicolas Cage on the cover.
Instead of presents, give your kids "presence." Then explain how homonyms can be hilarious. Then leave forever.
Country music is #1 because the people who listen to it don't know how to use the Internet.
Facebook reminds me that I went to school with idiots.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you don't have 'haters' & they are not making you stronger.
People really just don't like you, simple bitch💁
The word for Twitter addict should be TW@.
Is that a thing? It sounds like a thing. Let's all make it a thing?
What if intelligent people created yolo to kill off all the idiots? Now that you're mindf*cked, I bid you all goodnight. X
Dear Facebook Friends who are now getting twitter, I made a Twitter to get away from you. Sincerely, GTFO.
Just because you follow me on Twitter doesn't mean you can add me on Facebook.
Unless you're hot, then do that.
Uhh, yes hello hi good morning, I need your help, but can you put me back on hold until 'If you like piña coladas' is done playing? - Me.
Imitation really is the sincerest form of flattery.
"I want to be Tom Cruise's fourth wife." - Said no one. Ever.
You really don't have to walk around the airport with your neck pillow around your neck.
If someday we all go to prison for downloading music, I just hope they segregate us by genre.
If epilepsy was a person, it'd be Nicki Minaj. #iThink
So Miley Cyrus likes weed ...again #HannahBongtana
May seem like your typical, selfish, back-stabbing, slutfaced hoebag MedStudent; but in reality I'm so much more than that. So you can go shave your back now.