My doctor also said I should get my affairs in order...I think he's just mad I want to fuck him on Wednesday instead of Thursday now.

The doctor said I should stop eating like a man if I want to lose weight...who knew pussy was so fattening?

My hubby just smuggled me a sandwich and locked me in the bedroom so my in-laws won't know I'm here. Life is goood...

You think getting your panties in a twist is bad? Try going commando with a clit ring when stairs are involved.

Just to clarify...an albino Mexican would be an Albeano, right?

I'm angry to be awake and feel like shooting people in the face. Anyone want to play Black Ops with me?

Is it in poor taste to regift a pearl necklace?

Just finished cleaning up to be presentable for the plumber. Don't think me neurotic, I just had a LOT of fetish gear to stow. A LOT...

200 followers! I never thought I'd be on Twitter long enough to see this! Thank you guys for winning me over!

Mah booby trap caught a kitteh! http://t.co/6YaCOEe

I am waiting for dryer clothes, wearing only a towel, and people in my house are looking a bit rapey around the eyes...

So are their full names Mario Mario and Luigi Mario? Because that's the only way the name Mario Bros. makes any sense...

I have no problem forgiving, but I am the elephant of not forgetting the slightest trespass against me...

When I take over the world, I will be wearing a leather tutu and carrying a battle mace. Watch for me on the news!

Those who live in glass houses should not throw orgies.

I go barefoot way too much to be happy with the amount of slugs on my porch right now...

G'night you denizens of Twitter, wretched hive of scum and villainy...

I just need to be ravaged, good and proper...and please, don't be gentle...

I would beat your mother to death with MY mother to be able to get some restful sleep...

Tried on masquerade masks at a store tonight. Made me feel all sexy!