Ugh, ate peanut butter with a spoon and then double chocolate Newman-O’s and now I have Reese’s burps. It’s hard being a freelance writer.

So, whoever’s next gets $1.2 billion, right? That’s how this works?

@lexfri Don’t not go to bed, just go to bed.

@tomcarmony You’re saying that one can “work out” to reduce the impact of excessive food and drink? Hmm. OK, I’ll be the control group.

@jkubicek @ccsteff Whaaaat? You breeders, I swear. (Congratulations!)

Something in the kitchen this morning smells like Danish pastries. Yet we have no Danish pastries. I am inconsolable. The darkness comes.

@scottsimpson What if we open it in the south and call it “Our Culture”?

@scottsimpson @mrgan @gruber I love hops but agree with Scott. Too many taps. Also, children should never be in public.

@mrgan @scottsimpson @gruber Well, they’re not wrong about grapefruit.

@gte Instacraycray.

@ablaze Cynic. I’m sure they just timed it with App Store outages.

Sorry, was that bitter? I meant to just hand Google all my medical records.

Being very rich and heading one of the most powerful technology companies in the world is not enough, Larry Page needs his own laws, too.

I like how OS X’s autocorrect wants to turn “devs” into “debs”, turning developers into debutants.

“Coffee with Tim Cook.” Or, as Tim Cook calls it, “Coffee with some random douche bag.”

My wife also bravely had a double mastectomy and sleeps with someone as good looking as Brad Pitt (it’s the dog).  http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/14/opinion/my-medical-choice.html?smid=tw-share&_r=0 …

The first-grader I just saw walking out of school saying “Hell, no. Hell, no. Hell, no.” is my spirit animal.

Hmm, I’ve got a lot of stuff to do this afternoon. I think I’ll stuff my stupid face full of Indian food and zzzzzzzzzzzz

Can’t get a photo of @mrsmoltz and the boy as she’s two-fisted drinking in her pajamas but I think that means it was a good mother’s day.

@glennf @lexfri Well, I guess WE’LL NEVER KNOW.