You say, she's a squirter. I say, you just got pissed on.

Dear Men,

Our orgasms are better than your's.

Love,
The Ladies

You know what helps my PMS? Viciously attacking strangers.

When football players date models, I imagine their conversations might make me kill myself.

I wish I had a dollar for every pub called "Molly's" on the planet. Whoever Molly was, that bitch liked to party.

Fight back the tears with handfuls of chocolate cake. That's my motto!

Come to think of it. "I like turtles" is the answer to everything... but you gotta mean it.

My tit has never accidentally fallen out of my dress. I do that shit on purpose every damn time. My tits can take off my dress.