@memphisnews cops required to get degrees? Degrees don't reflect morality.

I wish hangovers were as much fun as sleepovers, as comfortable as pullovers, and easy as pushovers.

#hashtagsmakeithardertoreadcausetheresnospacesorpunctuationorspillchucksopleasekeepthemshortunlikethisortheresnopointpirateoutarggggghhhh

People lived to 1000 years old during biblical times before people knew math, huh? Ask a 2 year old how old they think you are. #biblical

One two bucket my shoe.. who still buckles Thor shoes??

I'm really not hungover. Just wanted to fall asleep at the pool.

You're never happy if you're focused on finishing. The joy is in the journey.

Why is it ok to belittle one belief but only when its not your belief?

What time is it acceptable to send out subtweets? Because you're doing it ALL the time....I hate you.

Excuse me @mewstafa but that looks like my work desk you're taking a shit on. Thanks for minimizing my internet history.

All these folks condemning Dharun Ravi are the same people that bullied kids when they were younger. #HateCrime? #HateVerdict!

This is how old people use the ATM. http://t.co/fvbfBDxr

Hey engaged and soon to be wed couples, give it a rest. You got the rest of your lives to do that shit with each other.

Who's the bigger hypocrite? A person that prays and sins alot or an atheists that prays alot?

This the third time I'm waking up this morning and each time I feel more tired. My dreams are wearing me out!!

everyone welcome @someradlemonade to Twitter. The newest pedophile on the block. If you're gonna send pics of nude kids, he prefers goats.

If you have multiple Facebook or Twitter accounts, there is a million percent chance that you are a real life loser/fake life winner.

Depressed people.. put down that bag of worries and come play! ~alcohol

If you're not on the edge of your seat right now, well then you're not watching basketball.

Oklahoma senators need to be impeached.

Tennessee and Georgia ones are even worse!