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  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Sorry, but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin.

    • 3,038
    • FAVS
    hemmakatten1000_smilesloginconferenceaxelbergmanscluehunt_mumbaireveyrandErrenMichaelsCurtmacklin
    • 6,050
    • RETWEETS
    bripirieMitroCo_iFompiCurtmacklinih8cricketYKermalisatanubisSanamTheLamb
    JosesLovesYouBlondiethegoodC_J_Commode______super_morgasmPsycholystTheAdly
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    "What do we want?!"
    "TIME TRAVEL!"
    "When do we want it?!" "IRRELEVANT!"

    • 1,566
    • FAVS
    ThateverydayguyChicoryLouisjergarlJermHimselfishkmdk83Pasquale_Gee_inScythefulJ0hnnyBlaze
    • 3,194
    • RETWEETS
    jergarlWhose_PetemandddddddJ0hnnyBlazeDeurb1junejuly12KarinaLawrencejenniferaburnet
    UGotMeRightStevie_TalkDJhouseNigga______Shock_MonsterC_J_Commode______Twisty_Monster____5haeldeKenstructionCognitive_DissJayDirt___________
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Taylor Swift's next album should be called "Maybe I'm the Problem."

    • 302
    • FAVS
    RAYbitchgoddessirishmomo31LilBlondeLassmaxthatsallcosmicoolStevieRay0420LordFroyThateverydayguy
    • 287
    • RETWEETS
    ProcrastinEatinaMario_ChambersLordFroyThateverydayguyfavstar_historyim_sajmathjergarljenn_angelic
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Beauty and the Beast is my favorite story that teaches kids that if you're ugly, hold a girl against her will & she'll eventually love you.

    • 472
    • FAVS
    Foodlover003LilBlondeLassrohanswarupThePhoenixO1800RandyThateverydayguyjergarlBlondAmbitionTO
    • 248
    • RETWEETS
    pragatimehraShrizzy610The_College_KidThateverydayguyim_sajmathBritSnizjergarlluvmyADHD
    ocourtneynoedheenan__________
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Damn boy are you liquid eyeliner because I'm pretty sure I'm gonna fuck this up.

    • 404
    • FAVS
    annettewolfiesThateverydayguyMasterOfMoppetsdonkeyslayer21cuddle_puddlesmokeyrumkisseswhatchamafuckitMissHoot1
    • 213
    • RETWEETS
    cuddle_puddlemillerjenna733THCyalaterwhatchamafuckitilluminati_kidim_sajmathjergarlLetdownLizzie
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    My grandma asked if "tweeting" was a new drug kids are doing and I said yes because the truth is more embarrassing.

    • 667
    • FAVS
    lonewulf87AnitaHelmetThePhoenixOsquashguy15coram49376coophellion_06Thateverydayguy
    • 211
    • RETWEETS
    Michmerisingtaylermeagiinscribewritersprernadawda76coopThateverydayguymirandasthebestjergarl
    ThateverydayguyBlondiethegooderica_rosie
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, ok you can put it in my butt.

    • 499
    • FAVS
    DramaFreeBubblebecabirdChicoryLouisanidiotinNYCGccustomsOwnerVanVeenBB__lockjergarl
    • 149
    • RETWEETS
    anidiotinNYCVanVeenBjergarlCannabisCanuckedward_thefirstRadOrDieMarrissaMariee__CyrisXD
    Cpez38bouncerface______
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Roses are brown,
    Violets are brown,
    Daisies are brown,

    I'm a terrible gardener.

    • 289
    • FAVS
    ReidGilbardUKAmericancalandro72trhbrts19gopack513bendymommyJ0hnnyBlazeDeurb1
    • 145
    • RETWEETS
    naguirretrhbrts19bendymommyDeurb1Man_O_LogicHippiestickbarby_bearlrik29
    pzumk
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    What if I told you that you could go to the gym without telling everyone on Facebook about it?

    • 212
    • FAVS
    irishmomo31AparajitaxoxocosmicoolThateverydayguysnafu_5Josh_the_weirdojmay459junejuly12
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    ProcrastinEatinIamLoriiThateverydayguyjd_gallagherjmay459favstar_historyabstracteCheers_Fuckface
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    If "come over for wine and a movie" wasn't obvious enough, how's "here's my vagina, you should do sex to it"

    • 561
    • FAVS
    DoubleAwalkCooltoondelreyVanVeenBBritSnizB__lockjergarlBlondAmbitionTObendymommy
    • 136
    • RETWEETS
    VanVeenBim_sajmathjergarlJ0hnnyBlazedutchblazr420Jenny4ashleyRoxtalledBarbz88
    AllTheUglyTruth23_Lies
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    I asked Siri why I'm not married and she responded with a picture of my cat. Also, I don't have an iPhone and have been drinking.

    • 342
    • FAVS
    B__lockJessObsessjergarlJermHimselfishbendymommyJ0hnnyBlazeDeurb1UncleBob56
    • 131
    • RETWEETS
    im_sajmathjergarlUncleBob56daryl_lickedtwitt_erbirdBryndenRivers_d2BMcGSaveItForFest
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Apparently it's National Kissing Day in case any of you single people needed a reason to start drinking early today.

    • 85
    • FAVS
    DGoddamnGloverjazmastaagent_0rang3nigburtmonstabrat_________kaydittyTheMichaelRockJTQuest
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    monstabrat________angrycvilleianImAJuicyGirlrealllyrealrealmostlydelirious__Kerry_enwaldAngemilansSteffuth
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger, but she was seen near Sutter's Mill in 1848 carrying a sluice box & a rock hammer so it's very likely.

    • 301
    • FAVS
    rohanswarupThateverydayguyJermHimselfishjunejuly12ValeriePottaBoobnish__________RadOrDieJenny4ashley
    • 121
    • RETWEETS
    daniellove15Jenny4ashleyRoxtalleddaemonic3SpenSpenBurtKatyeKatyTeflonPawnmonstabrat________
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

    • 297
    • FAVS
    rat_bedJermHimselfishjunejuly12ValeriePottaBoobnish__________JasonBerlinjenn_angelicRadOrDie
    • 115
    • RETWEETS
    RoxtalledYesThatAmyLindaInDisguisemisfitmonster13Cluaran_Fraochrfischer85philipdoranphilFavstar250
    Thedudish
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Channing Tatum: I'm your husband, you were in a car accident.

    Me: ok.

    • 123
    • FAVS
    nicfit75Arnoldo3000AngreaZombieMom00CandiceRouxdmroberts1000gorillagunt______msg_edge
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    HockeyNHarmonyCISN_JackOilsandDivaVeetheVEEZombieMom00SuZaAan13CandiceRouxdmroberts1000
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    My favorite sex position is sure ok.

    • 471
    • FAVS
    JimCorrigan_TheSwanDonwrbh40EmJaye32dafloydstaB__lockjergarlJermHimselfish
    • 111
    • RETWEETS
    dafloydstaim_sajmathYcb_martinjergarlJenny4ashleyRoxtalledCruzWCastilloTheSuckyBF
    bouncerface______OrvllShrednbchr
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Sometimes I hate people and other times I am sleeping.

    • 171
    • FAVS
    Buck852AbsoluteCarlosbendymommyValeriePottaBoobnish__________JasonBerlinjenn_angelicRadOrDie
    • 109
    • RETWEETS
    briony_94bendymommyNichollsTerenceRoxtalledsurfsupshay____sav_marie28deliciaousness____baliwalioxnfree
    FormerGrunt______
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.



    Just kidding. Fuck you guys.

    • 197
    • FAVS
    J0hnnyBlazejunejuly12Cali4niaEnglishmrkhan422VinceLovmskimboslice10_brokenspinesBagyants
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    VinceLovashleyyharris13paulawalnuts_ValeriePottanathanramirezz____RetweetJoelazizazrandeblits3
    Cynner777
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    I'm gonna open a store called "Forever 27" where all we sell is booze, cats & broken dreams.

    • 131
    • FAVS
    nicfit75MarianneACOTA____ElizaBowerxtuttifrootiKayWithAnI______noahb180matthasarmsclaularrau
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    SpattyRealShaughnMarianneACOTA____ubreathetoomuch2448larryTeejayRushThe_bassist96YPancgirl
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    ME: Knock knock.
    FRIEND: Who's there?
    ME: To.
    FRIEND: To who?
    ME: To WHOM.
    FRIEND: Go fuck yourself.

    • 196
    • FAVS
    babupradhan84Lovestoned__Tatted_Nursebrad_durenKingsOfChangeShitCourtSays_sassypants977brown_bumper
    • 84
    • RETWEETS
    VanshikaSahnionehentwoducks__Yerin__sassypants977NurseSeymourcaught_your_ayeNiharikaSahni88Agent_McDrinky
    Twisty_Monster____nazmrazsalamifever______
@MorganJ7

@MorganJ7

Fuck romance, I want a burrito.