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  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Sorry, but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin.

    • 3,043
    • FAVS
    Skypea_VSmisseLunatic_timesZombie_TwilightMaiaMamacitabritt4nybassettGy_pnnziomikimikiwahwahNadiraShukri
    • 6,051
    • RETWEETS
    Divarants9NadiraShukriLuckz713_el_aytyco171MexicanSnookieMarkPainttnaomilaz
    JosesLovesYouBlondiethegoodC_J_Commode______super_morgasmPsycholystTheAdly
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    "What do we want?!"
    "TIME TRAVEL!"
    "When do we want it?!" "IRRELEVANT!"

    • 1,584
    • FAVS
    msarver425ManvAlcoholryno2341fish3606t_a_blackembracetheabyssericsshadowBob_Lawblaw
    • 3,199
    • RETWEETS
    msarver425LeroyLovejoyfish3606t_a_blackDeb_LibbyBob_LawblawIzianikapanijjgrape
    UGotMeRightStevie_TalkDJhouseNigga______Shock_Monster__C_J_Commode______Twisty_Monster____5haeldeKenstructionCognitive_DissJayDirt___________
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Taylor Swift's next album should be called "Maybe I'm the Problem."

    • 335
    • FAVS
    Zombie_TwilightDrAlleconswollenvoiceCaitlyn_Cauveltonywoodliefhbreaker9999robotbeeboptalkinboozeball
    • 304
    • RETWEETS
    Zombie_TwilightDrAlleconhbreaker9999TotalFandomallegrameloraNotClayMerrittLexxLoserGoodGuyBadBoy
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Beauty and the Beast is my favorite story that teaches kids that if you're ugly, hold a girl against her will & she'll eventually love you.

    • 476
    • FAVS
    ManvAlcoholCatfishGoneWildGratefulFlowergeridactylFoodlover003LilBlondeLassrohanswarupODeadInside
    • 249
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildpragatimehraShrizzy610The_College_KidThateverydayguyim_sajmathBritSnizjergarl
    ocourtneynoedheenan__________
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Damn boy are you liquid eyeliner because I'm pretty sure I'm gonna fuck this up.

    • 412
    • FAVS
    OpposablePlumsgabii0032stappbotScoobdooblestheevilwriterJenny4ashleyManvAlcoholcait_inthestars
    • 215
    • RETWEETS
    britnibakerScoobdooblesJenny4ashleyCatfishGoneWildcuddle_puddlemillerjenna733THCyalaterwhatchamafuckit
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    My grandma asked if "tweeting" was a new drug kids are doing and I said yes because the truth is more embarrassing.

    • 669
    • FAVS
    ManvAlcoholCatfishGoneWildlonewulf87AnitaHelmetODeadInsidesquashguy15coram49376coop
    • 212
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildMichmerisingtaylermeagiinscribewritersprernadawda76coopThateverydayguymirandasthebest
    ThateverydayguyBlondiethegooderica_rosie
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, ok you can put it in my butt.

    • 502
    • FAVS
    ManvAlcoholAndreaaMoyaaCatfishGoneWildDramaFreeBubblebecabirdChicoryLouisanidiotinNYC______GccustomsOwner
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    andragogueAllaHbasterCatfishGoneWildanidiotinNYC______VanVeenBjergarlCannabisCanuckedward_thefirst
    Cpez38bouncerface______
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Roses are brown,
    Violets are brown,
    Daisies are brown,

    I'm a terrible gardener.

    • 291
    • FAVS
    ManvAlcoholCatfishGoneWildsoupfriendUKAmericanclowndrotrhbrts19gopack513bendymommy
    • 146
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildnaguirretrhbrts19bendymommyDeurb1Man_O_LogicHippiestickloca_cat_lady
    pzumk
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    What if I told you that you could go to the gym without telling everyone on Facebook about it?

    • 220
    • FAVS
    ManvAlcoholaaronupmmmgiiirrrlllllSexyskepticjvanderswaaghSeiYoung83CatfishGoneWildgeridactyl
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    greggjgc79MadHat74SexyskepticjvanderswaaghSeiYoung83CatfishGoneWildProcrastinEatinIamLorii
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    If "come over for wine and a movie" wasn't obvious enough, how's "here's my vagina, you should do sex to it"

    • 563
    • FAVS
    ManvAlcoholCatfishGoneWildDoubleAwalkCooltoondelreyVanVeenBBritSnizB__lockjergarl
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildVanVeenBim_sajmathjergarlJ0hnnyBlazedutchblazr420Jenny4ashleyRoxtalled
    AllTheUglyTruth23_Lies
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    I asked Siri why I'm not married and she responded with a picture of my cat. Also, I don't have an iPhone and have been drinking.

    • 349
    • FAVS
    _jennjennLetmebethepearlAphroditeAfter5SwarleyQuinnOhaiqtpieManvAlcoholCatfishGoneWildB__lock
    • 135
    • RETWEETS
    MSMommy6SwarleyQuinnManvAlcoholCatfishGoneWildim_sajmathjergarlUncleBob56daryl_licked
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Apparently it's National Kissing Day in case any of you single people needed a reason to start drinking early today.

    • 85
    • FAVS
    DGoddamnGloverjazmastaMr_0rang3nigburtmonstabrat_________kaydittyTheMichaelRockJTQuest
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    monstabrat________angrycvilleianImAJuicyGirlrealllyrealrealmostlydelirious__Kerry_enwaldAngemilansSteffuth
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger, but she was seen near Sutter's Mill in 1848 carrying a sluice box & a rock hammer so it's very likely.

    • 303
    • FAVS
    ManvAlcoholCatfishGoneWildrohanswarupThateverydayguyJermHimselfishjunejuly12ValeriePottaBoobnish__________
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWilddaniellove15Jenny4ashleyRoxtalleddaemonic3SpenSpenBurtKatyeKatyTeflonPawn
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

    • 305
    • FAVS
    Mi_fucius_jennjennBonJovi32MadDamMusicBrentPlantjeAphroditeAfter5ManvAlcoholCatfishGoneWild
    • 119
    • RETWEETS
    BonJovi32SwarleyQuinnManvAlcoholCatfishGoneWildRoxtalledYesThatAmyLindaInDisguisemisfitmonster13
    Thedudish
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Channing Tatum: I'm your husband, you were in a car accident.

    Me: ok.

    • 123
    • FAVS
    nicfit75Arnoldo3000AngreaZombieMom00CandiceRouxdmroberts1000gorillagunt______msg_edge
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    HockeyNHarmonyCISN_JackOilsandDivaVeetheVEEZombieMom00SuZaAan13CandiceRouxdmroberts1000
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    My favorite sex position is sure ok.

    • 474
    • FAVS
    ManvAlcoholGeanina_26KCatfishGoneWildJimCorrigan_TheSwanDonwrbh40EmJaye32dafloydsta
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWilddafloydstaim_sajmathYcb_martinjergarlJenny4ashleyRoxtalledCruzWCastillo
    bouncerface______OrvllShrednbchr
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Sometimes I hate people and other times I am sleeping.

    • 174
    • FAVS
    ManvAlcoholvalzhoganCatfishGoneWildBuck852AbsoluteCarlosbendymommyValeriePottaBoobnish__________
    • 110
    • RETWEETS
    CatfishGoneWildbriony_94bendymommyNichollsTerenceRoxtalledsurfsupshay______sav_marie28deliciaousness____
    FormerGrunt______
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.



    Just kidding. Fuck you guys.

    • 210
    • FAVS
    _jennjennMadDamMusicSternoShotsAphroditeAfter5EdwardNigma1980redvoodoo7PoorSinnerComcherokeehunny91
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    MadDamMusicSternoShotsAphroditeAfter5PoorSinnerComBangMyBongoManvAlcoholCatfishGoneWildVinceLov
    Cynner777
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    ME: Knock knock.
    FRIEND: Who's there?
    ME: To.
    FRIEND: To who?
    ME: To WHOM.
    FRIEND: Go fuck yourself.

    • 204
    • FAVS
    ManvAlcoholvenividiperdidiEliHansenMusicREALityDUMBhoagieknowsbestChrisPosey1marcialikemarcyCatfishGoneWild
    • 90
    • RETWEETS
    venividiperdidiEliHansenMusichoagieknowsbestRobbySpankmemarcialikemarcyCatfishGoneWildVanshikaSahnionehentwoducks
    Twisty_Monster____nazmrazsalamifever______
  • MorganJ7
      Captain Morgan @MorganJ7

    I'm gonna open a store called "Forever 27" where all we sell is booze, cats & broken dreams.

    • 131
    • FAVS
    nicfit75MarianneACOTAElizaBowerxtuttifrootiKayWithAnI______noahb180matthasarmsclaularrau
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    SpattyRealShaughnMarianneACOTAubreathetoomuch2448larryTeejayRushThe_bassist96Shelliholihocks
@MorganJ7

@MorganJ7

Fuck romance, I want a burrito.